Friday, July 28, 2017

REVIEW: The Emoji Movie

The Emoji Movie is about as dumb as you think it is. There. I spared you the pain of reading this full review, and hopefully, spared you the hour and a half of this stupid film. This dated, unoriginal, predictable, unfunny, product of the times.  How do you come up with a film like this? Who looks at their phones, texts whoever it is they're texting, brings up these face icons, and suddenly thinks "Hey, I can make a movie on this! A good... relevant... charming movie about text icons..." Well for those of you still reading, I might as well say it,  yes this film is as dated as it sounds. It relies on forgettable humor revolving around smartphone apps and whatever stupid jokes your kid can come up with using emoji on your phone. Along with anything the internet might find amusing. Hey, you like cute cat videos right, we got one of those in the movie! You like Spotify? It's in our movie!  Facebook? Instagram?  Is Just Dance still a thing? We're so relevant.

So what's the premise of this movie? Well... it's actually pretty creative. All your smartphone emoji live inside your smartphone, they have one sole emotion. And that's obviously what they're expressing. Happy face is happy all the time. Meh face is meh all the time. Sad face is sad all the time. Poop is...poop, and everything it says is either a poop joke or poop pun. Say for one Star Trek reference because Patrtick Stewart. You get the point. Here's the problem. This concept is actually... pretty cool. I could totally get behind a good well told story about characters limited to one emotion. I mean heck, the world they make is certainly creative enough and with the right creative thought pattern, a really brilliant movie can be made from this!

Oh wait. It exists.

You've probably heard this movie compared numerous times to Pixar's Inside Out.  And that's because this film can shamelessly rip it off to a t. And that movie, for as simple as it is, is one of the better films of recent years to really take command of such a concept and make something incredible. This film barely even tries. It's a generic outcast story, with a generic sidekick, who goes on a generic coming of age tale, while his generic parents try to find him before generic villain does, and he is involved in a generic romance and it's about as predictable as you'd think. If you've seen Inside Out, you can watch this, point to certain scenes, and say, "yup there's that scene from that good movie". They don't do anything new, or if they do, it's bland and uninteresting. But if Inside Out wasn't enough to rip off, they also manage to take elements from plenty of other films as well, like Wreck-It Ralph, and even things like The Little Mermaid. So where's the actual story come in?

Well... our phone owner is having girl problems, and since this movie thinks no one uses actual words anymore, he relies on emoji to try and express himself. But he uses our main emoji, a malfunctioning meh face and it sends his phone haywire. Chaos ensues. And its up to our hero emoji to try and fix his glitch before phone owner goes and gets his smartphone erased at the store.  Here's the problem. This films message. It's dull. Might as well say "emojis make your world go round, use them more". At the end of the film when boy phone owner and girl phone owner get together, she says she likes how expressive he is... after using emoji. Sorry girl, you're in for disappointment if you think emoji are what you gotta use to express yourself. The guy is still socially awkward and shy. But hey he's got one radical emoji! I guess everything's okay. I wanna say more. I really do. But... I just can't...

Have I mentioned how trendy this film is? I can't remember. Have I? Because it won't have a very long life. I don't care what the target audience is. If you liked this film at all, it won't last. Guarantee you'll forget about this film before too long. This film is a product of the times and nothing more. It won't age well, it won't ever know the word "timeless", and it won't ever be worth more than five dollars in the bargain bin. I can't even recommend it for the young young viewers because frankly, there just wasn't much going on in this film. The theater I was in was eerily quiet in laughter. Because the humor was very dull. Why does Hollywood seem to think that these trend or fad films can succeed?  If the Emoji Movie doesn't serve as one of the many nails in the coffin for these films, I don't know what will.

I'm having a hard time properly describing this film. Maybe because I think this is the first corporate film I've ever really experienced. A film I knew I wouldn't like. And yes, I made the mistake is looking at reviews prior to watching it, but I don't think it would matter. This film just doesn't have any life. I'll be surprised if anyone is on the theater watching it next week. There's nothing worth noting to go back to. Nothing at all. I'm struggling to give this a rating because I just don't have the proper words to describe how dumbfounded I am. Am I losing the ability to critique these films? I don't know. But what I do know is that this movie sucks, and it's getting no mercy from me.

The Emoji Movie is a monument to look up at when it comes to dated pieces of garbage in Hollywood. Similar to films like The Lorax, Sing, or other films desperately trying to stay relevant. These are films doomed to failure. The thing that separates those movie from this however, is that those films had at least some saving graces. The Emoji Movie lacks any of that. Laughter was scarce. The animation isn't impressive. The music is what you expect to hear on your mainstream radio stations. This should very much be Exhibit A on the definition of a dated film. The fact that it had to go to other better films for its life blood is just insulting to its audience, that I can't help it. I'm going to give it the lowest of the low. It deserves it. I don't care if it didn't piss me off as much as other films have. It didn't give me one reason to try and convince me that it could have had any potential at all. Shame on this movie.  It gets one big frowny face.

Am I being too harsh? Will some kids like it? I'm sure they will. Just do me a favor. Show them Inside Out first. They may thank you one day.

Please feel free to request any film you'd like to see me tackle in the near future. Leave a comment down below on your own thoughts to the film. And as always, thanks for reading.

Final Verdict: 0/4

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