Sunday, January 10, 2016

THROWBACK REVIEW: Star Trek: The Motion Picture


Fifty years ago, Gene Roddenberry gave us a franchise that would revolutionize science fiction, and in many cases, the world as we know it.  You can say what you want about Star Trek as a franchise, and whether or not it's good, but it has changed life in more ways than one.  From inspiring so many people to go into programs like NASA, to revolutionizing our technology that so many of us use daily.  It is a quintessential franchise of science fiction if you ask me, and a personal favorite.  And to celebrate fifty years, I am watching, and reviewing each and every film made to date before the newest film comes out this year.  And we start this marathon out with...the Motion Picture.

And let me tell you that despite my love for the franchise...despite being a tolerant, patient, and open-minded fan of the series...never has Star Trek bored the hell out of me quite like this...except for maybe Season 3 of the original series.  Doug Walker said when reviewing this film, that the film feels less like Star Trek, and more like it is trying to be 2001: A Space Odyssey, and that's a statement I am inclined to believe.  Not only are there so many similar concepts and scenes (despite the fact that it's been a VERY VERY long time since I watched that film), but it's dragged out and just as slow.  I can't do too much comparing here because again...I can barely remember 2001. But in the case of this film...it just didn't work.

How Star Trek could have started it's film career off like this, let alone stayed alive past this film is quite frankly, beyond me. The acting isn't anything spectacular, a lot of the effects seem dated, and despite some interesting concepts of a world of artificial beings, coming across an ancient Earth spacecraft, and giving it a mind of it's own to relay the programming to it's "creator", it just doesn't hold my interest.  The only reason I remember one character, Decker, is because apparently he's the son of who I believe is my favorite one-time character of the original series, Commodore Matt Decker, who appeared in "The Doomsday Machine" in season 2, which is a personal favorite of mine.  Other than that, I don't remember anyone else's name beyond the original crew.  And on a random note, McCoy has one of the worst lines I've heard in the franchise in this film. "Why is any object that we don't understand always called a 'thing'?"  I kinda rubbed my head at that line.

I love the ships of Star Trek.  I love the Excelsior, Voyager, I love Romulan Warbirds, I love Klingon Battlecruisers, and Birds of Prey, I love the many many many designs of Starfleet's many many vessels, and of course...I love the Enterprise.  That being said...was it necessary to devote nearly five minutes of screen time to revealing it?  This is the film's biggest problem.  Pacing.  Putting the movie in, I was treated to nearly three minutes of stars going by as a soft melody played.  Then the Paramount logo appeared.  That goes to show you just how much trouble I was in.  There are so many dragged out scenes, in this film, that I literally feel like I could cut a majority of this film...and have maybe a somewhat decent Star Trek episode for you.  I barely remember any major lines of this film, maybe aside from Spock's "weeping for V'ger" line.  I barely remember any interesting conflict.  All I remember are shots that just wouldn't end.  Ask anyone I know and they will say I'm a very patient guy.  Never before has a film tested my patience like this. I'm actually quite impressed.

There are so many scenes and sequences in this film that just don't make any sense to me.  How was the Enterprise able to warp and create a wormhole?  Why was this "next step in our evolution" never ever mentioned again in the entire franchise?  Why was....God I can't even remember that many of the questions this movie gave me.  Here's one.  Why was this movie even made?  Sitting here writing this...I'm trying to be forgiving of something I'm not ven sure I should forgive.  I'm asking myself if this movie has made it onto my own personal list of my topmost hated movies of all time. Has it?  I don't know.  I've seen worse...but I will say that some of the worst movies that have said to have been made, gave me more entertainment factors than this did. Whether they were so bad they were laughably good, or whatnot...this movie just gave me so little...and coming from Star Trek?  That's a near unforgivable sin. There is always SOMETHING to take away in a Star Trek episode most of the time.  ALWAYS SOMETHING to capture your imagination or interest.  And this...I can't think of anything.  The concepts that I found interesting just...seemed like they didn't fit.  And that personally...is what I hate about this movie.

Star Trek: The Motion picture...is a measely half star rating out of four. Of what I remember from all the Star Trek movies, it is the least memorable, least enticing, and least enjoyable film I have seen in my journey. And depending on how I view the rest of the Trek films to come...it may have just become my least favorite Trek film to date, replacing a film we will get to. All I could do, was check the disc running time as this played,and ask why it was still going.  But...there is something of irony in this film.  My father did make a big point...as bad as the film is...it was the stepping stone for everything I've grown to love about Star Trek as I know it.  Without it, there would be no Next Generation.  There would be no other Trek movies.  There would be no Deep Space 9, no Voyager.  How Star Trek managed to cling to the life it had after this film...let alone vastly improve upon it, may be one of those many unsolved mysteries of life for me for as long as I live.  But I will say that...I am thankful it led the way to the superior Trek I know and love...but that doesn't excuse it.  It's a forgettable ride that doesn't offer much of anything for a Trek fan...it has easily gained it's nickname as the "Slowmotion Picture" for a reason, and watching it here, that legacy remains unchanged.

Please feel free to share your thoughts on the film below. Leave a request for which film you'd like to see reviewed, and as always, thanks for reading.

Final Verdict: .5/4

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