THROWBACK REVIEW: King Kong Escapes (1967)

Well it's kinda hard to talk about this dumb film without talking a bit about its backstory. In 1966, King Kong debuted in his very first cartoon show, simply known as "The King Kong Show". It was made by American Film Company, Rankin/Bass Productions, but also partnered with Toei Animation over in Japan to collaborate with the show. If you're unfamiliar with Rankin/Bass, they did the cartoon renditions of both "The Hobbit", and "Return of the King". They also did "Mouse on the Mayflower". Still not ringing a bell? Okay, they did those stop-motion animation Christmas specials you love so much like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". Yeah that company. And Toei is behind Dragonball which I don't care for, so moving right along. They had a King Kong Cartoon. I really wanted to review this, but honestly, the show lacks any depth for me to devote a full review to it. Each story is around six minutes long, is a rather simple story about this group of people, who team up with King Kong to fight this evil supercriminal mastermind named Dr. Who (....no not THAT Dr. Who), and end up foiling his plans after a fight with dinosaurs or whatnot. It's not exactly the best show out there, but it's harmless. The animation is bland, the characters are bland, the action is bland, but again, there's nothing really condemning about it. If it had more depth to the overall story, and if I could find it, I'd probably give it a review. But it doesn't, and I can't.

Well after King Kong VS Godzilla, Toho maintained an interest in producing King Kong movies, and partnered up with Rankin/Bass. They came forward with a script for a new King Kong movie they wanted to make, but because Rankin/Bass felt the movie didn't reflect the spirit of the show, they rejected it. The script would move forward and become "Ebirah, Horror of the Deep", otherwise known as "Godzilla VS The Sea Monster", another movie I debated long and hard about reviewing in this Kong-a-thon. Why? Because the movie really is kinda...terrible in the sense that it doesn't at all feel like a Godzilla film. You can tell that it was meant to star King Kong, despite the fact that Godzilla is right there. He's got all the King Kong characteristics. It stands as one of the first examples in which I really believe...they just didn't care. There was no rewrite, there was no edit, they shoe-horned in Godzilla in place of Kong, and the movie sucked. But...Toho didn't give up. They came forward with another script for a Kong movie that did get approved and the result was "King Kong Escapes". And my God they tried...

Right off the bat, something feels off about this film. One thing I guess I should say is that this seems to be a different incarnation of Kong than what we saw in King Kong VS Godzilla five years prior to this. Here, King Kong lacks his electricity powers, I think his size is smaller, and it just feels more like a standalone film than it does anything else. I guess that's not a bad thing, but my God, there is something missing from this film. And I can't put my finger on it. Based loosely from the cartoon I just mentioned, King Kong Escapes focuses on this group of criminal masterminds looking to take over the world by creating superweapons from this substance called Element X. Lead by Dr. Who, who often enjoys reminding you who he is, he builds a large robot monkey with the sole purpose of digging up this ore. I don't know why he didn't just build a digging machine, but I guess we need our Tokyo Tower climax later on. So...nice big metal monkey there, Dr. Who. Your evil plans will forever be a mystery to me.

I'm not gonna bother hiding it, the characters of this movie are atrocious. The only character I found any likable traits in was Dr. Who, mainly because of how cartoonishly evil he is. The way he speaks, his motivation, his goals, he even has a decent evil laugh now and then. He's an absolute riot. Too bad he's the only memorable character. The heroes of this film I wanna say are barely even a thing in this film. You have the woman that Kong of course takes an interest in, but she feels much like the girl from King Kong VS Godzilla, in that she's there just to be a damsel. There's no depth to her character out any of the other characters I might add. And joining her are her love interest, and this other generic captain explorer character...who are also in this movie. The most confusing character however is this...anti-hero-villain woman who's often telling Dr. Who what to do. I have no idea what to call her. At first she's this villain looking to take over the world. Then because movie she's suddenly questioning her morals. Then because movie, she's a villain again, threatening Dr. Who. Then because movie she tries to romance one of the heroes. Then because movie she starts turning to a good guy? Look I don't need to explain anymore that her character is poorly executed and just sucks in general. Her motivations in this film are absolutely stupid. They make no sense. She's the worst character of the film. One thing I found hilarious however was that the lead hero roles are obviously American actors. I was treated to an unintentional hilarious realization that they themselves were dubbed in Japanese. It can be hilarious to see them obviously speaking English, only to hear a Japanese voice actor dub them. It's the first time I've actually seen that.

The effects of this film, my God. Much like King Kong VS Godzilla, they're incredibly dated, and don't hold up, but unlike King Kong VS Godzilla, they stand out way more. There are effects that are hilariously bad. Like Kong's or Mechi-Kong's obviously blue-screened hand quickly grabbing the woman in a fashion that would likely kill her. I also loved how Monda Island, where Kong lives, had giant lawn grass everywhere, and only one...ONLY ONE NATIVE. Maybe the rest of the Natives saw the script for this movie and gave it the finger. The suit of Kong again just isn't convincing. The first time we see him, we just see his eyes open from a sleep, and he looks half-dead. I will say that Mechi-Kong is actually pretty cool as far as effects and looks are concerned. He has the most convincing costume of the film. It doesn't stand out nearly as much as Kong. The suit for that was well done.

And the action of the film can be fun. I enjoyed the climax well enough. Watching Kong battle Mechi-Kong on Tokyo Tower, watching it rock back and forth was very entertaining, even if it got rather easy to mock what was going on. I also enjoyed the first appearance of Godzilla fan favorite monster, Gorosaurus. The battle between him and Kong is pretty cool, though the death of Gorosaurus could have been better. Really dull sound effect for Kong prying the jaw apart. But as fun as some of the action is, it's also incredibly lacking. One thing I found disappointing was that there is absolutely no city rampage scene. Sure we get the battle on Tokyo Tower, and Mechi-Kong destroys a building upon entrance, but that's it. There's no rampage despite it leading us to believe there would be one. I'll also say the military of this film did the worst possible job evacuating the city in any of these movies out there. They show the evacuations, then all of a sudden all the civilians are back to witness the Tower battle? Shouldn't they be gone? Oh well, there wasn't any rampage. No big loss. Oh and by the way the musical score by Akira Ifukube is not in any way memorable in this film. Rather disappointing honestly.

I know I'm being rather critical here, but honestly, I can't say this film is completely bad. One thing I must credit the film for doing is being among the first films to attempt to develop the relationship between the woman, and Kong. It's the first film in which the woman he finds attraction to, isn't always afraid of Kong. In the movie, she volunteers to be picked up by him to attempt to calm him down. She develops this playmate relationship in a way, but at the same time, she can still hold to that fear. It's really weird. Eventually, she pretty much can give verbal commands to Kong. That's right, I forgot to mention that King Kong in this movie precisely just understands human language. The movie isn't all bad. It's not strong, but I can see it working as a kids film perhaps. This was after all based off a rather bland kids cartoon from back in the day. This film didn't have a lot to go off of. So as bad as it is, I don't blame Toho for it. It's not their fault. I can see effort being put into this. Their desire to do Kong justice is still there. The respect, the love, the want to do good with Kong does still show. Unfortunetaly, it's just too bland, too dated, and too...dull to really be anything more than a kids adventure. And not a very good one at that. So I can't be getting generous with the verdict.

King Kong Escapes is a one and a half star rating out of four for me. Yeah, pretty dang bad. I'm at a bit of a loss for words on this one actually. You can tell it was trying to go for that child audience again. Much like its predecessor, but where King Kong VS Godzilla succeeded with likable characters, fun action, and creative ideas, this film feels held back. It makes me wish Ebirah was indeed a Kong film. It likely would have faired much better than this film. This film wasn't allowed to experiment, it wasn't allowed to do much of anything to make it stand out. And the blame for that lies solely with Rankin/Bass. And unfortunetaly this would be the final film that Toho would make with Kong. They wanted him to appear in the Godzilla finale, Destroy All Monsters, but their license on the character ran out for them. They'd also try to remake King Kong VS Godzilla during the Heisei era, but couldn't get the rights, and instead went with King Ghidorah (and we all know how I feel about that one). King Kong Escapes was his last trial in Japan, and one that really just didn't do it for him. Not from me. And I'm sad to say that. I really do wish it could have been different. Perhaps one day again, Kong will return to Toho. Until that day though...keep watching King Kong VS Godzilla...and stay away from this movie.

Please feel free to suggest any films you'd like me to look at. Leave a comment down below expressing your own thoughts on the film, and as always, thanks for reading.

Kong's tenure in Japan has ended, but he isn't going back to the States yet...nope. Great Britain attempted to get in on the Kong franchise. However...they took creativity into their own hands, and decided to switch a lot of things up. Did you ever wanna see Kong as a girl? Well they thought you would. Next week, I'm taking on the parody film, "Queen Kong". See you then.

Final Verdict: 1.5/4

THROWBACK REVIEW: King Kong VS Godzilla (1962)

The popularity of King Kong after 1933 was apparent. It was an instant box office success, turning up a hefty profit and a bad sequel. Despite the minor setback, King Kong proved he was still on top for years. He saw his first theatrical re-release in 1938, though it would have certain parts censored as certain shots of the original film we're no longer appropriate at the time(mainly shots of Kong biting and attacking people, and removing parts of Ann's dress). Kong would also see theatrical re-releases during 1942, and 1946. Yet despite this success, he was not yet much of a pop culture icon. It wasn't until his theatrical re-release in 1952, that his rise to stardom would be apparent, and that his influence would finally start to be seen in film and culture. It was easily the most successful re-release of his time, and don't think I need to explain how or why. But for those who are in need of a refresh, let's talk about what happened after his global theatrical re-release in 1952.

King Kong's 1952 global showing would be a worldwide phenomenon, getting named "Movie of the Year" by Time Magazine. But one place Kong would find enormous popularity in would be Japan. Many people, who would work on a very iconic Japanese film would draw influence from King Kong. They were in such awe from the film that they wanted to shoot their film like just like that film. Unfortunetaly as they were pressed for time, they could not. But the resulting film they created would explode around the world, and this film of course, was Gojira. Otherwise known as Godzilla. Godzilla would quickly rise in popularity, and with his rise to stardom apparent, and with Kong's popularity still up there, someone around the world asked a question. If King Kong met Godzilla...what would happen?

Well, thanks to an unused idea from Willis O'Brien (in which King Kong would meet and fight a giant version of Frankenstein's Monster), and the people over at Toho (many of whom wanted very much to shoot a King Kong movie), we got an answer in a film that to date, remains the biggest box office hit featuring Godzilla. A film that not only featured two very popular monsters, but helped launch the Godzilla franchise to even higher stages of popularity. We got the film, King Kong VS Godzilla. A film with such a legacy behind it, that to present day, fans of both franchises continue to debate the fight, and who was meant to be the true winner. There are many urban legends surrounding this film, many which say that there's a Japanese cut where Godzilla wins and other similar myths, but let the record show that this is untrue. It may not stop the debates but...spoiler alert, King Kong wins. It's really that simple. Japan themselves advertised the film as Kong being the winner. Why? Because he was the more popular monster at the time, and at this time, Godzilla wasn't really quite in his hero stages yet. Hell, even the movie reminds you that Kong is just an animal, but Godzilla is a "monster" born from radiation. There's absolutely no purpose to this line other than to remind the viewer that Kong is the good guy, and Godzilla is the bad guy. So...there. Accept it. Godzilla lost to the giant ape. With all this said, how's the actual movie?

Well watching it again (and to those wondering, I watched the original Japanese cut), I really wasn't expecting much, but for a while, I was very much pleasantly surprised with the film. It is very fun. Sure the plot kinda disintegrates towards the end, but you can tell there was a lot of effort thrown into this film to get King Kong just right. I'm not sure they got everything right, but you can tell there was a lot of effort from Japan here, not only to do justice to Kong, but to make him a match for Godzilla, and to keep the spirit of the monster present within the film. They're very hit or miss with this unfortunetaly. One thing I didn't really care for was the Kong suit. While I understand that they were on a budget, you can tell that it's very much obviously a suit. The teeth don't always line up, the mouth can hang open, but one thing I hated was the arms. There were times the arms looked disjointed or out of place. I think the guy wearing the suit was holding arm extensions at times because the arms at times take an unnatural bend towards the elbow area. Like something getting pulled down by gravity. I also never liked how the fists never closed whenever Kong beat on his chest. Surely this could have been fixed guys. It's just not as threatening or intimidating as it normally is. My final criticism to Kong in this movie is that while we get plenty of hints to why Kong has the power that he does in this movie, it's never explained. I want someone to tell me exactly why electricity helps Kong fight better. The movie doesn't explain. It just kinda shows Kong munching on power lines and getting revived by lightning (lightning that doesn't strike anywhere close to him).  But regardless of my criticisms, you can definitely tell that again, they did put a lot of effort into his behavior and actions. From him finding a certain woman attractive, to him defending island natives who revere him as a god, Japan really did do their homework for keeping the spirit of Kong alive in this movie. Is it the same Kong we're used to? No. But it does the monster justice. It almost makes me ashamed of our Godzilla 1998 movie just a bit more.

Speaking of Godzilla, his suit is about as convincing as Kong's honestly. I could be mistaken, but I feel that this suit they used is much different than what they used before. It seems...lighter. Which honestly, I think kinda hurts this film a bit because there are times you can most definitely tell that it is a suit. The rubber can bend in places it shouldn't bend, the face, like Kong's, just isn't that convincing, it just could have been polished up a bit more. One thing I actually had to chuckle at was that there are times in the movie that Godzilla flails his arms at times, and you can hear the rubber hitting. You'd think something like that would get cleaned out in editing. And it's not just in one point of the movie. It happens numerous times. I also am a bit lost to the special effects of this film. Particularly that around Godzilla's breath. It's not nearly as bad as Godzilla VS The Sea Monster, but I do think they could have made it slightly more convincing than a slightly blue mist.

From monsters to story, does it hold up? Well right off the bat, I can say that the story was fun to follow while it lasted. It's not the greatest story ever told and it's not exactly told the best, but it does have a lot of charm. The only real weakness it has, is that once the monsters start fighting, the story is practically dropped. All human characters are reduced to literally nothing but spectators as both King Kong and Godzilla fight. This isn't an exaggeration. Despite some fun aspects in this story, about halfway through the film, the characters do nothing but watch the monsters from afar, or argue over who's the stronger monster. You know...like real life Godzilla fans. And once the fighting is over, they literally just shoe-horn in a message about treating earth and nature better, despite that not once in the film is the treatment of the environment ever mentioned. I find this lazy, even for early Godzilla. 

This is a bit of a shame because I was actually quite interested in the characters of this film. While the film has its fair share of characters that are forgettable, I forgot how much of a riot the head of the pharmaceutical company was. I'm not sure I follow his plan with Kong, mainly because of his dialogue. At first he's looking to boost his ratings for this science tv show he has, then he's pretty much announcing Kong as a brand sponser, it's a very confusing plot, but you don't care because of how funny this guy can be. You can easily detect that this movie was going for a much more light-hearted feel. It's goofy and silly, but in all the right ways. Other characters really aren't so essential, like one of the sister characters that Kong finds attractive. This girl serves no purpose for the film other than to be the token damsel in distress. She struggles clumsily across a river fleeing from Godzilla, she is captured by Kong to try and pay homage to the climax of the original movie, but seeing how beauty doesn't kill the beast here, and seeing how she's nowhere near as memorable as scream queen Ann Fray, the scene kinda feels unnecessary to me. There's also the fact that the size of the woman in the hand of Kong just isn't accurate. With the size of Kong, she'd be a lot smaller than that doll we see. And yes, you can obviously tell that Kong is holding what is likely a barbie doll. Gotta love budgets. And thanks to the fact that there's likely a 200 pound actor in that gorilla suit, Kong just kinda stands on what amounts to a common courthouse, rather than scaling a tall skyscraper. Just not that exciting.

I think my final criticism of the movie goes to the unfortunate aspect of time. This movie really hasn't aged well. At all. I normally don't criticize movies based on age, but I think I have a bit of a right to with this one, because this film is infamous for how poorly preserved it is. In 1970, director Ishiro Honda prepared an edited version of this film for a film festival, but made a terrible mistake of making actual edits to the films original negative. As a result, a lot of the footage was lost, as was some of the highest quality shooting. I'm willing to bet none of us have seen the original theatrical release of this film. You can tell there are problems in the editing of this film. There were times the frame jumped for a quick second, or there were times that I felt certain frames were just straight up missing. Ishiro really should have done a better job preserving this film.  It also needs to be said that other effects just aren't so convincing. Kong's blinking eyes, scenes involving obvious blue screens, obvious reused shots, you can really tell this film has not aged well at all.

But that's literally all I can really say as far as criticism is concerned. Some flat characters, a plot that kinda falls apart at the end, and effects that don't hold up nowadays. Everything else is just way too fun. I loved how Kong got his own Tokyo rampage scene. And they made it rather unique, too! Where Godzilla or literally any other monster in Toho's lineup will just kinda slowly walk through the city in question, slowly raining down destruction and whatnot like a giant lumbering tank, King Kong when he enters Tokyo, straight up RUNS through it. It's a nice little break from the mold that I really liked. I also loved how at one particular point, he just straight up punched one of the buildings down. He picks up trains like Godzilla, he scales the small model town buildings, it's all fun to watch, even if the homage to the original climax again, does fall a bit flat. I know I've said it already, but you can definitely tell that Toho was looking to get the character of Kong dead on. And the fights with Godzilla? They're fun, entertaining, and cheesy hilarious. Yeah due to the effects, I'm getting similar feelings that I'd get watching Arena from Star Trek, but I can look past that. You can tell that these fights are meant to be slightly comedic, while maintaining their intense fighting atmosphere. It's a wonderful treat to behold.

And one thing I'm gonna shower this film with praise on is Akira Ifukube's music score. This is the film that would help define some of the most iconic music in the Godzilla films for years to come. While we don't hear the iconic theme from 1954 here, you do hear a very iconic piece that would soon become part of that iconic theme. I think every fan kinda knows that piece I'm talking about. And if that's not enough, Kong's theme is absolutely haunting. From the time you press play on the movie, you're treated to this absolutely incredible theme, which though simple, shows the intimidation, the mystery, the all around atmosphere of the King Kong character. The sounds of the choir chanting over those strings, tribal drums, timpani, while the winds and brass give powerful blasts in the background is one of the coolest pieces of music of the entire Godzilla franchise. Incredible job from Akira for putting this score together.

If you put everything together, King Kong VS Godzilla remains a bit of a fan favorite, and one of the biggest films of the Godzilla franchise for a reason. It's by no means the best, but for me personally, despite its flaws, it's certainly up there. Even the American version is rather enjoyable. Aside from dubbing difference, the American version did add their own particular touch to the film. They added scenes of people talking on the news comparing the two monsters, how Godzilla is brute force, and how Kong is more of a thinking animal, and how they used footage from a film called "The Mysterians", to help enhance the earthquake at the very end of the film. They also rechanged sequences, and unfortunetaly almost completely replaced the Ifukube score with music from films such as "Creature from the Black Lagoon", "Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman", among many many many other films, but regardless of it, you can tell that they too were interested in presenting this film as best they could for their respective audiences. And it's fun to compare the two versions.

I'm giving King Kong VS Godzilla a solid rating of three stars out of four. While I wish I could have given it a higher rating, it is held back by the problems I've talked about. But for King Kong fans and Godzilla fans alike, you should already know that it's not any statement to say you shouldn't watch this, because the opposite couldn't be more true. This really is one of those pinnacle essential monster films to go and see. It likely helped boost King Kong's popularity higher than it already was, and for Godzilla? Well...do I need to say? The big guy's legacy has long since been sealed, and it likely owes a lot of that success to this movie alone. It remains the biggest box office hit of the franchise, and in all of Toho's 29 Godzilla films, it is the biggest hit it has to date. And with a remake finally heading our way in three short years?  You can bet that there's no one more anxious, more willing, more excited to see how they will make this already fun movie, into something even more fun. It is about damn time...

Please feel free to request any film you'd like to see me take a look at. Leave a comment explaining your own thoughts and opinions of the film, as they are all appreciated, and as always, thanks for reading.

King Kong's tenure in Japan didn't end with his victorious battle over Godzilla. Join me next week when Toho partners with American film company Rankin/Bass, in which Kong takes on a mechanical menace. See you next week when I analyze the film, "King Kong Escapes"! See you then!

Final Verdict: 3/4

THROWBACK REVIEW: Gamera 3: The Revenge of Iris (1999)

Gamera 3 is everything you could want from a Gamera movie and much much more. I'm once again forced to hammer home the point, that it's movies like this that make me incredibly harsh towards things like Godzilla. The fact that an underbudgeted film coming from a franchise that's often mocked for being a knockoff, can pull off so much more than any Godzilla film has from any era, is a real testament to Gamera and these films he put out in the late 90's.  You heard that right. This film is superior to almost every single Godzilla film out there. It tops Destoroyah, it tops Giant Monsters All Out Attack, it tops Tokyo S.O.S., really the only film I can't see it topping is the original 1954 film,  and I'll go ahead and say I do enjoy the 2014 Godzilla a bit more, but I don't like comparing Japanese and American filmmaking...too much. With all this said, is Revenge of Iris perfect? No. It's got flaws, but it did take some notes from the shortcomings of Legion, and did improve the story.

Iris gives us a much darker tone of any Gamera movie. Before this film, Gamera had always been looked at as this hero of a monster. During the Showa, he and Godzilla shared many common traits in these films, but during the Heisei era, Godzilla turned more back into that enemy he's commonly known as. Gamera wasn't exactly a hero persay in the Heisei era, but he was no enemy of humanity. He fought and defended them, but humanity still had contingencies for Gamera. Well, here they nearly completely drop the hero side of Gamera, and the result is easily the darkest Gamera film you'll ever watch to date. Here, Gamera is responsible for a lot of destruction, and death, and it results in a child growing up with a huge grudge against the Guardian, and bonding with a monster that nearly kills him. This take on Gamera is so unique, so unthinkable, a child hating Gamera, that it's just...wonderful to watch.

Now it should be said that the story isn't perfect, but again, it does improve on the last film. One thing I found disappointing was that despite Gyaos having a bit of a roll in this film, there's not too much action involving Gyaos here.  Which is a damn shame because Gyaos looks absolutely...wonderful in this film. The effects crew need to be credited with this film, because the effects aren't as dated as previous Gamera films, and they look just...wonderful. more on this shortly though. They manage to have some fun with the story, and their characters. Almost to the point of it being ridiculously silly. I had a small laugh at the family who apparently guards this tomb which houses the monster Iris. The thing is they barely do anything in the movie, and the only one that does contribute to the plot, in the form of a decent love interest, is always getting thrown around. I'm surprised he lived in this movie honestly. Yeah the family of Guardians does a pretty lousy job in this film, but they're still likable. We also get the returning characters like Asagi in this movie, and they do have a better role than in the pervious film. They help flesh Gamera out more in this film, and explain a bit more about how things are with him better than in the previous films. 

Are there forgettable characters? Oh absolutely. There are some characters in this movie that I found entertainingly bad. Like this one weirdo who keeps on claiming that the end of humanity is near and whatnot. He always has this weird smile glued to his face, like someone in the Purge movies might have. And he has the most laughable last words ever. The ceiling of a train station is coming down on him, and his last words are along the lines of "Oh my! This is indeed very scary!" I had a good laugh at that. There's also this girl who...honestly I can't even remember, but she dies after trting to pray all the evil away or something, and crazy guy just kinda laughs as she dies. You also got the family of the girl who hates Gamera...who dies, except for her kid brother, who's barely in the movie anyway, and so on and so forth. The characters are strong, but not all of them are exactly memorable or serve purpose to the overall story.

But my God, you just don't care when you see the monsters on screen. The action in this movie is absolutely phenomenal. EASILY the best I've seen from any Japanese monster film. It's quick, it's destructive, it's intense, even intimidating. It's kinda scary to see Gamera bring so much death upon humans. One might think it something that doesn't work, but I believe it strangely only strengthens this story out. Whenever Gamera is on screen, which ironically isn't much in this movie now that I think about it, you're going to have a lot of fun watching. But even when he's not, when we're getting introduced to Iris, or whatnot, there's something in this movie that holds everything together with little effort. Now I will day that I still kinda think Legion is the better monster compared to Iris, but Iris is still one of those really fun monsters that Godzilla just can't seem to create nowadays. Intimidating, cool origins, powerful, and unique. It just continues to up the ante against Godzilla. And needless to say, the fight Gamera has with Iris is absolutely stellar. Again, no monster fight in Japan has ever looked so damn good. 

If you're reading these, and are a fan of Godzilla, a lot of you may not have liked my stance on these films. Me claiming how a vast majority of them are so damn superior to Godzilla films. And this is coming from a guy who grew up with Godzilla, and still loves the big guy. Well I hope I've at least made you think a bit about why I'm so harsh towards a lot of Godzilla films now. With Gamera pulling what it did, there's no reason Godzilla films should be so...I hate saying this, but...half-assed as a lot of them are. There are way too many sequels in that franchise that completely disregard the film they're following. There are way too many plot devices, and "because movie" moments in those films. There are way too many absolutely forgettable characters, and story arcs that go nowhere. And again, there's no excuse for it. None. Not when you have a trilogy like this come and just do so much right, give a solid and satisfying beginning, middle, and end, and rise up on top when it didn't have nearly as much success or resources as Godzilla did. If you think there is an excuse, I'll be waiting to hear one. But so far, most Godzilla fans I've talked with on this matter are pretty damn stumped. I hope Toho will one day take some serious notes from this trilogy. Godzilla could be so much more than what it is right now, and while I'm thankful we did get a boost in quality in the early millennium, it still doesn't really match this trilogy. And after Godzilla Resurgence...well you all know how I feel about that film. 

So with that rant out of the way, what do I think of this third Gamera film? 

I wanted to give this film the fullest rating I could. I really did. But there are those minor annoyances that do hold it back just barely. Still, I'm giving Gamera 3: The Revenge of Iris a solid three and a half star rating out of four. It is my favorite of the Gamera films, it outdoes it's predecessors at almost every turn, it ties in nicely to the previous two films of this trilogy, and concludes it wonderfully. In fact, the ending of this movie is easily one of the coolest endings of any monster movie you'll ever see. I won't dare spoil it. It's one you need to see for yourself. And it only makes me that much sadder that this is pretty much the only thing Gamera has been up to lately. While we had a new Gamera movie in the early millennium with Gamera the Brave, I've yet to see it, and have heard it does fall short of the Heisei trilogy, and there's not been much since then. And I'm a bit sad that with the fiftieth anniversary of Gamera having come and gone, not a lot was done to celebrate the Guardian of the Universe. We got a short film that many confused as a film trailer, including new, which looked incredible, but that's about it. With Godzilla now on the big screen again, I for one hope the Guardian makes his return again. He is gaining my respect more and more, and if Godzilla continues on the path he's treading...Gamera may just take his place on my list of favorite monsters out there. Time will tell. 

But that's my views on the Gamera Heisei trilogy. And with this being the last Kaiju review of the 2016 year...it's time to get myself mentally prepared for the Kong-a-thon...I hope you'll join me then as I get us ready for Kong: Skull Island. Until that time, please feel free to voice your own thoughts on your own views of this movie, leave a comment requesting a film you'd like to see me look at, and as always, thanks for reading. 

Final Verdict: 3.5/4

THROWBACK REVIEW: Gamera 2: Attack of Legion (1996)

Gamera 2 continues the excellence I've come to expect from these films in more ways than one, but I will say that this film isn't as good as its predecessor. Despite some really awesome action, some really cool concepts, and one really really REALLY badass Kaiju, it does suffer a few problems that nagged at me, both in the film kaif, and technicals. But don't let that fool you into thinking I don't like this film, because nothing could be so very untrue. It does need to be said that much like its predecessor, this film does outshine a vast majority of the Godzilla films that came out during the Heisei era.

So what are my problems with the film then? If it's still impressing me in ways Godzilla failed to do, what is wrong with the film. The biggest issue that I can really say that nagged at me the most was the lack of a connection to mossy of the human characters here. Of the trilogy of Gamera during Heisei, I do remember this being the one film I just couldn't connect fully with. Granted, watching it just now, in my condition where I was a bit tired, and facing a little holiday exhaustion, I can't exactly say I was on the right mindset to watch this. If I were to watch it again, more relaxed and awake, I might be able to connect more. But despite everything, I just didn't feel much of a connection to our human characters of this film, so when they did things on screen, I didn't find myself caring too much for what they did, and whatnot. I'm thankful they didn't become Godzilla type of characters, characters so weak they may as well be cutouts in a film of the 40's, but they were missing something. I enjoyed watching the commanding officer in the army as he debated firing against Gamera, or supporting him, but not much else really stood out to me. Even the returning character from the previous film,  Asagi, didn't really have much of a role in this film. And pardon the minor spoiler here, but by the end of this film, she loses her spiritual connection to Gamera. But...didn't that happen last film? Am I missing something here?

And I gotta express my frustration at the subtitles of this movie. The DVD I own just....can't stop messing up. I'm sure the translations themselves are fine, but...why are they so delayed? I mean that too. Credit where credit is due, they did a better job translating out newspaper headlines and locations thankfully, but it's like the subtypes had to load or think about what was being said before displaying it. If I'm being unclear, I'll try my best to explain what I mean. One character is talking to another character, and he says a generic line like... "Gamera is on his way to Tokyo. Shall we intervene?" However he only says this in Japanese, and I get no translation for a second or two. Then character two starts talking,  and gives a generic line,  "Yes. Deploy all defensive units around Tokyo at once! We cannot take chances!" But by the time he saying this, the subtitles are translating out what the other character just said. This at times can get so annoying, so frustrating, and so confusing, that I had to finish the movie at home, because my Blu-ray of this film doesn't do such a God awful job of translating. Maybe it's just the company that did the dvd or collection or whatnot, but these subtitles are awful. Someone's they barely stayed on the screen for a second! They're subtitles! How hard can it be to get these things right???

Okay now that I got that out of my system, what is actually good about this movie? Well pretty much everything. I will say the story suffers a bit due to the weaker characters, but the concepts, the monsters, the action is all absolutely wonderful to behold. I don't wanna say this, but if Toho or any other film company in Japan wanted to remake the classic 1954 monster movie, Them!, this is a really good film to watch. There were a lot of times this film seemed to draw from that old film, and I love that. Them! I feel at times doesn't get enough credit for what it did to influence giant monster films. It's easily one of the best creature features I know.

The story centers on these mysterious alien life forms that fall to earth in a freak meteor shower. When it's discovered that these alien life forms invade planets by launching themselves into space, by means of building up oxygen in the atmosphere, the nation must rely on Gamera, as there's just so much oxygen around these plants that any attack from the military would be risky. While this is one of the more far fetched plots of Gamera, I do like how they flesh out this race of Monsters. No other Kaiju movie I know has put so much effort into gotta these things live, how they act, or whatnot. Even how they move! Not even Godzilla 2014 has done that, and they actually made an effort to flesh out their monsters and their origins. Most of the time Godzilla films hand-wave it away. STOP IT, TOHO! Make me interested in these many monsters you shove in my face!

Speaking of the monsters, holy shit Legion is amazing. You can say what you want about the quality of Gamera films compared to Godzilla films (unless it's Heisei, because Gamera is superior there, period), but the Gamera films do know how to make some intimidating, unique, and really cool Kaiju. I thoroughly believe Gyaos is more intimidating than Rodan. I thoroughly believe that Knifehead from Pacific Rim was influenced by Guiron. And despite being in a shamefully horrible movie, Zigra is a really cool idea, and design that needs to be used again (minus the musical back because that was stupid). And Legion continues this awesome tradition of the very fun Kaiju that get so little attention. Why do we not have more swarm-like Kaiju? This is why I love Them! so much, the tight of hundreds of thousands of giant ants the size of cars is scary! Those things can lift 50 times their own body weight! How is that NOT intimidating? If the swarm factor isn't enough, just LOOK at Legion! Most of these monsters I can tell someone is just in some rubber suits. Legion? Not so much. All those limbs, the structure of the body it looks fantastic! And his abilities might even give GODZILLA a run for his money! Legion really is one of the coolest monsters I've seen in any Kaiju film, and he really does steal the show here.

Which brings me to the action, which is very similar to that seen in Godzilla VS Destoroyah. There's plenty of monster brawling, but there's also a lot of action involving humans, and it can get really gruesome. The opening scenes of this movie can be incredibly bloody. The fact that it's this series, originally a children's series, that continues to be the bloody mess of Kaiju films is something that continues to confuse me, but does show just how far this franchise has come. Even when it gets a little over the top, there's nothing that made me think of it being too stupid or whatnot. It's one big treat to my inner monster fan.

When all is said and done, I do enjoy this film in more ways than one, despite a few steps taken back from the previous film. But despite everything, it still stands in a league of its own compared to most of the other Godzilla films. I'm not joking when I say that Toho needs to start taking some serious notes for their future Godzilla movies. I'm sure they got most of Japan eating right out of their hands with their films right now, but me? I'll continue to ask for more from them, especially when severally inferior budgeted films like this one will leave Godzilla films in the dust.

Gamera 2: Attack of Legion earns a three star rating out of four. Despite the faults it has, it does still manage to be of enjoyable quality. Though I do understand why there might have been some debate in 1996 when this would go on to win the Nihon SF Taisho Award (the Japanese Nebula Award). It's got some really good material, but I'm sure that if I looked hard enough, there might have been a more deserving science fiction piece to get that award. But the fact that Gamera is getting awards at all in this point is a real statement to the quality of these films. If this doesn't convince some fans out there that these films are actually worth looking into, I don't know what will convince you.

Feel free to request any film you'd like me to have a look at. Leave a comment down below on your own thoughts of the film, and as always, thanks for reading.

Final Verdict: 3/4

THROWBACK REVIEW: Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (1995)

Gamera! Gamera!
Hirohito Gamera!
Hirohito Gamera!
Hirohito GAM-ER-AAAA!!!

I can never resist that silly song. Thank you for taking a lot at the start of my reviews of the Gamera Heisei trilogy, which will wrap up 2016! But before I get into Guardian of the Universe, I should probably just talk Gamera real quick. Unlike Godzilla, who I got into in elementary school, I wouldn't get into Gamera, or even hear about him for years to come. I estimate, high school years. Unlike Godzilla, which I can point to and say how I got into him, I cannot do the same with Gamera. Why? I guess mainly because sadly, Gamera has always been treated as a watered down version of Godzilla, and for a while, it really wasn't hard to see why. While my film critic side has seen worse movies, the Gamera movies of the Showa era were cheap, jumbled, flawed, ridiculous, and just...weird. And Japan can defend them as much as they want. They're pretty damn bad, and a number of them may even appear on my Top 25 Worst Big Monster movie list.

I don't exactly like saying this because I actually...really like the monster. As ridiculous as a giant flying fire breathing turtle sounds, I think he's one of the most unique monsters Japan ever conceived. Godzilla may be more iconic, but at the end of the day, we've seen giant dinosaur monsters before, some even predating the king of Monsters. While Gamera may have been created to try and compete with Godzilla, it's safe to say that there is nothing quite like Gamera, and there never will be. And so you can imagine my delights when I first watched his absolutely wonderful trilogy of the Heisei era. While not exactly perfect, these are the definitive Gamera films for me when it comes to the absolute best of the best...and even on a whole when it comes to giant monster films. I'm sure a lot of Godzilla diehards don't like admitting it, but this is one trilogy that I honestly believe can blow a lot of Godzilla films out of the water. Even when it comes to his absolute BEST films. Godzilla fans may not like admitting it, but...hard to say otherwise. Heck, some of you might recall how I said I kinda think Godzilla VS Destoroyah was as good as it was, because Gamera started his trilogy that year, and it kinda raised the bar. Godzilla had to take some notes. And it isn't exactly an implausible theory because guess who distributed this film, and the other two of this trilogy?...you guessed it. Toho. Who'd have thunk? Though I'm willing to bet even Toho lies to themselves on the existence of these films. 

If you can't already tell, I love this film. When I first watched it, I was actually shocked it was as good as it was. Like...does a Gamera film deserve to be so good? Because I hate saying this, but this one film, took almost everything I hated about the weaknesses of the Godzilla films of the Heisei...and just erased them from existence. The story is easy to follow, and interesting. The characters are ten times stronger than 90% of your average Godzilla films. And the action and effects, even if a few are a bit dated, do impress and coming from a Gamera film, a monster that's been brushed aside as a cheap Godzilla knockoff, to be accomplishing so much from one film alone? Let me tell you that there is absolutely NO excuse that Godzilla films don't meet this kind of excellence more often. And you just TRY and excuse it because of budgets. You compare the measly estimated budget of this film of only about five million yen, to a WHOPPING 12 million US dollar budget of Godzilla VS King Ghidorah and tell me that budget is an obstacle. Just you fucking try. And with the budgets of Godzilla films only getting larger, I don't buy it. Not for a second!

This first entry, marking Gamera's thirtieth anniversary, isn't a flawless product, but I'm sure that after years of the Showa nonsense, anyone watching would be pleasantly surprised. Here, they pretty much wipe the entire slate of Gamera clean. So unlike Godzilla in 1984, where they kept the original movie canon, the original movie here isn't in the same continuity. And I'm happy for that. Despite some pretty fun scenes and city destruction, that movie is rather ridiculous. Instead here, we are pretty much lead to believe that Gamera is the creation of an ancient society similar to that of Atlantis or whatnot, created when their failed creations in the Gyaos Birds destroyed their civilization. This is probably the one aspect of the story I didn't care too much for. The concept of a long lost and ancient civilization being so advanced to the point of actually being able to create Kaiju? It's just a bit much for me. As this story unfolds, you realize that though this movie is maturing and taking risks it's not done before, they do keep to the traditional Gamera sprit in multiple ways. From signature roars, to how Gamera looks when he flies, to having him in a connection of a sort with a young child. Only instead of the child being young, bratty, and annoying, we actually connect with her.

Yes it needs to be said that the characters aren't perfect, but I can tell you that I was thoroughly more interested in what any of them were doing in this movie than I was in most Godzilla films. The problem with characters in those movies is that they don't have a sense of purpose, or motivation. They're there because the script has them there. While development of the characters in this movie isn't perfect, nothing seems forced. One thing I despise about Godzilla's characters is that a lot of them in the movies get involved with each other romantically. I have nothing against this, but at times there is absolutely no development between them. A lot of the time, one character will straight up reject the other. But by the end, one is promising to show the other the world as they walk down a beach holding hands. Here, each character seemed to have a distinct purpose and role. It wasn't just some generic robot pilot, or some generic evil company owner. In fact, the humans here all worked together to fight Gyaos. Sure the military now and then opened fire on Gamera, but they still presented it in a very believable way. I think they may have even briefly mentioned the post WWII military restrictions just...barely. It's not as fleshed out as in Shin Gojira, but it's still pretty cool. And true to the Showa spirit, Gamera does form a bond with a young girl, but if you're worried about it being as stupid as the Showa series...well it's a hundred times better. Instead of Gamera just immediately becoming friends with some annoying child, there's more of a spiritual bond formed with one character, who kinda becomes this "priestess" in the story. Or something. Honestly it's not my favorite thing about the movie, seeing how they go the whole prophecy route, but it's still interestingly done.

The monsters? Intimidating, impressive, well executed, and even if I'm not completely on board with their origins, they're still given a reason to exist in this movie, aside from just having one monster fight another. I absolutely love how Gyaos is this predatory bird that preys on humans, even if at times I can't help but wonder if humans would really ever sate its appetite. Or if it would really abandon some much more meaty horses when it hears a boy on a bridge cry. And on a related note, the movie manages to put in its own little Jurassic Park "one big pile of shit" joke in there when they dig into the droppings of one and find human belongings. Ha ha movie... Oh well, it is still quite a monster to behold. And don't get me started on Gamera. His introduction scene is one of the best monster intro scenes I've ever seen (though I'll be honest the introduction of Godzilla 2014 will be very hard to top). Gamera when he first appears in this film, rises out of the bay, and immediately just slams this Gyaos bird into a power plant of a sort, in this fiery explosion, before letting out his signature roar. He just rises up, kicks ass, and takes names. Never seen Godzilla do that!

One thing I was pleasantly surprised to see was that I couldn't find ONE model in this film. While the cities are destroyed in the same ways that Godzilla films are, there was something more convincing about this film, and I don't know what. Because some of the effects are very much dated. I could also spot some unpolished areas (I'm unsure, but in one shot of a helicopter, I can't help but feel they forgot to add in the sky over a blue screen in the widow), and areas where corners were cut (they did reuse a shot if a guy rolling off the rocky alcove) and at times these effects can stand out, yet in the same way, I couldn't find ONE model tank, or model boat being destroyed. Granted they do use what appears to be stock footage of certain things in this area, but there was no obvious model destruction. And this was a trick that Godzilla was still pulling in this time! So...basically what this film has done is present a great story, with superior characters, badass monsters, and more convincing effects, whilst being severely outmatched as far as its budget is concerned??? DOES THIS MOVIE DESERVE TO BE SO DAMN GOOD???

How's the action? Why bother asking? We all know the answer, it's gruesome, it's violent, it's chaotic, it's fun, it's all one big sight to behold, even if at times there is little explanation to why things happen as they do. Like at the end, how does Gamera revive? No explanation. It just kinda happens. But for the ride I got going up to these few and far between moments of confusion, you can bet I'll be forgiving when it comes to criticism here. The fact that a Gamera movie, on a limited budget, during a time when Godzilla was dominating the Kaiju films, to just come, do its monster justice, keep the spirit of that monster in place, while giving us so much more to behold is just unheard of. I think Toho needs to watch this film again and start taking some serious notes.

My final complaint for this movie isn't so much the movies fault as it is the people who subtitled this movie. While all the dialogue is subtitled well, one thing I found myself annoyed with is the lack of a translation when it came to Japanese text. There's little blurbs and bits of text that can appear that have zero translation. Even the newspaper headlines they show don't have a translation. I'd attempt to translate myself, but haven't the slightest clue how to read Japanese. Instead i'm just left there wondering "where are we now" or what does the paper say? Mattress sale? Oh well, it's just one annoyance I have that I can't take out on the movie.

I never thought Gamera would have a film...let alone a TRILOGY of films that would rival anything Godzilla has. It seems unheard of! Yet it was, because I think the Godzilla franchise noticed it, and stepped up their game for Godzilla VS Destoroyah. While I enjoy the Heisei era of Godzilla, really there are only two films that go into the range of excellence in that film. The others can be underwhelming, nonsensical, or even just straight up...bad.   So for Gamerato just straight up surpass it on the first try? You can bet I'll be giving massive kudos to it, and you can bet I'll question if Toho has a bit of a grudge against this film...or even regrets distributing it. I don't know. I'm just happy Gamera kicks ass here.

I'm giving Gamera: Guardian of the Universe a solid three and a half star rating out of four. It's fun, it's glorious, it's thrilling, it's not perfect, but it doesn't need to be. It finally gave Gamera the justice he deserves, and it easily blows any of his Showa films out of the water, a hundred times over. It's no wonder this is often considered amongst the absolute best of Japanese daikaiju movies, and you can bet that I'm only more excited to see what part two has. But I can tell you it's still great. Let's go Gamera!

Please feel free to suggest any films you'd like to see me review. Leave a comment down below about your own thoughts to this movie and as always, thanks for reading.

Final Verdict: 3.5/4

THROWBACK REVIEW: Godzilla VS Destoroyah (1995)

Godzilla VS Destoroyah is Exhibit A when it comes to my expectations of a good Godzilla movie. Plain and simple, end of the sentence, class dismissed. This is one of the movies I look to when I set my expectations for new Godzilla movies. THIS FILM...is one of the reasons I was as harsh as I was to films like Shin Gojira! Watching it again, I found myself even more surprised with certain things. The one thing on my mind right now is that I need to get myself in the Japanese cut of this film, because in Toho, this is one of the elite films of the Godzilla franchise. Is it perfect? No. It still has common flaws that plague other Godzilla films. But when putting into perspective the absolute best of the best, if this film isn't in your top five, then shame on you. And if you're wondering why I'm tackling this film this week? I got plans I want finished before January.

Watching this film, I can't help but wonder if the other five films in the Heisei era are even necessary. I mean sure, events in certain films do happen which carry over into this film, but watching this, I can't help but feel that I sat through five films of filler just to get to this film. Oh well, I'm not here to complain about the other films. Let me just say that it was well worth the wait to get to this monster of a film. So with it being as good as it is, I'll once again address my problems with it before I shower the praise. The first thing that comes to mind is the setup. I think the concept of Godzilla on a meltdown, which threatens the world is a really really cool idea, but it suffers in the way the Supernova does in the Star Trek reboot film of 2009. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, in that film, a highly unstable star explodes with such force that it threatens a good chunk of the Milky Way Galaxy. The thing is, had the comics not explained why the explosion was so powerful, you'd be left with a big sense of "bullshit". And again, you'd need to read the comics to understand that. However,  Godzilla doesn't have that kind of luxury, so we're left only with the suspense of disbelief, that Godzilla will reach a breaking point, explode/meltdown, and take the world with him. There's no explanation why. I would have liked one.

Another thing is that despite how incredibly awesome the climax is, I do feel that it is very underwhelming. In fact, it can be very deus ex machina in a way. I felt that the final killing blow of Destoroyah (pronounced Destroyer) was really not that impressive, and in a final film, that should have gotten me out of my seat cheering. I feel like we also get a bit of a forced happy ending, but I guess I'll talk a bit more about that shortly.

There is not a lot of room to complain here. I'm very impressed with this film. And I only own an English dub. Despite a few of the common flaws I've come across in all of these films, I loved the characters here, which branched from characters of the original film of 1954. You see Toho, this is one way of giving me a reason to care about your characters. That short explanation of Dr. Yamane having an adopted grandson who studies Godzilla often, and comes up with theories gives me a reason to care! Was he executed perfectly, no not at all, but I could follow him...even if he doesn't do much in this movie at times. The psychic characters, the pilots which remind me of Yuki from the last film, the scientist that invents that micro-oxygen, I feel these characters were all handled well, and contributed to the story. There is no dropped subplot, everything is here for a reason. And there was no forced romance! Thank you Toho. Now just remember how to make these characters so I can care about them again!

Another thing I'm giving props to strangely enough is the soundtrack. Despite having a lot of the common classic tracks that we've grown used to in these films (that make me glance over it most of the time), I do believe that more was done in this soundtrack to enhance it, and make it stand apart from other films. It made an impact almost immediately after it started playing, so Akira Ifukube gets some mad props from me for the kickass soundtrack here.

It doesn't take long to get the ball rolling in this film. In fact, right off the bat, Godzilla is rampaging in Hong Kong, and we see him scarred with that famous burning scar as we get that fun, but implausible end of the world threat. And we see a scientist conducting research in something eerily similar to Serizawa's Oxygen Destroyer, used to kill Godzilla. This was something I actually kinda liked, despite knowing that all the work on that weapon was destroyed. And it doesn't just rehash that plot! It does give us something new, and something very intimidating I must say. The only criticism I have here is that for a bunch of people facing the end of the world, there is a lot of stubbornness. One of the older characters, I think she's also from the original movie, I guess doesn't want anything like the Oxygen Destroyer ever created...yet it's hinted at that this is the only way to save the world. And so this woman was pretty much willing to destroy the world so that the thing that could save the world, which was used to save Japan before, doesn't get made again...woman I see where you're coming from, but to quote Spock... "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." This is the end of the world we're talking about! Let them make the damn thing.

This whole thing sets in motion one of the coolest stories of the entire franchise, and builds up one of the coolest monsters Godzilla will ever fight. Destoroyah. What I like about this best is that he's not just a big monster to fight Godzilla. It's this plethora of creatures that tangles with soldiers, can swarm Godzilla, combine itself, and has some really awesome powers, Destoroyah is just a beast in this, and he looks badass. Godzilla? Why even bother talking about him? He's Godzilla.  His roar is fantastic, the burning is brutal...even Godzilla Junior was somewhat charming. Never thought I'd say that.

And if the monsters themselves weren't fun, the action...easily the best of the franchise. While I still think the overall effects look slightly better in Godzilla VS Mothra: Battle for Earth, the intensity, and gruesome atmosphere of these battles is on a whole other level than anything of the Heisei era. And I could be somewhat mistaken, but I do believe some of that success owes a thank you to a certain film which began its trilogy earlier that same year...you know the one.  Regardless, each monster fight is an absolute treat to watch, and you will get your fair share of them, because it feels like the entire second half of this movie is pretty much a big monster fight. And it's not just monster fights. There is plenty of action that involves the humans, and it is all wonderful to watch. At times is actually downright intimidating. It's a fun cherry on top, even if the monster fights are the main spectacle here.  Of course by the end, I was slightly put off by the forced happy ending, and a little underwhelmed by the lack of showing us what exactly they were describing. What I mean by that is they pretty much declare Tokyo to be an uninhabitable wasteland, but they don't really show us anything of it. A little showing of the consequences after the fight would have been great. Then we get the forced happy ending with Godzilla Junior...suddenly alive as the new King of Monsters. No explanation, despite getting obliterated by Destoroyah, he's alive and well. And the fact that we only see a split second of it just kinda irritates me. A little more explanation as to what happened after Destoroyah is defeated and Godzilla melts down (spoiler) would have been very much appreciated, and we don't get that. And before anyone asks, no, I didn't cry at that scene. I doubt a Godzilla movie will ever make me cry.

Regardless of these few flaws, Godzilla VS Destoroyah is still among the absolute best of the best. I'm actually gonna put my foot down and I say that out of all the current films that have ended Godzilla eras, from Destroy All Monsters to Final Wars, this is the best of them. When I say I hold Togo to expectations of a Godzilla movie they actually try on, this is a perfect example. It's not a best picture, I'm not even sure I wanna call it the best Godzilla film. But I can tell that they tried harder here than they did with other Godzilla films that I've been harsh towards. The characters aren't perfect, but I still liked them. The story isn't flawless, but it's still exciting. And despite it being so  present in this film,  I don't just consider this to be some big monster brawl fest. It's a satisfying conclusion to one of the best series of films in this franchise, which isn't afraid to take a few risks, and even give us afew nostalgic moments here and there without leaning on it. 

It's my go to example of a proper story closing in this franchise, and therefore it easily gets one very solid three and a half star rating out of four. As much potential it did have to gain that full four star rating, there are flaws that do get at me that withhold it from that rating, but that should not matter to you because this film is amongst the best, if not the absolute best of the Heisei Era, maybe even topping Godzilla (1984). So don't question it, just watch it. It's awesome. It's spectacular. It's mind blowing.  A film I'm happy to end this marathon with. And I'd have it no other way.

And that's it! That's the final Heisei Godzilla film (even if technically Godzilla is still in the Heisei era)! I'm done, and I gotta say I'm kinda thankful. You might think watching a lot of Godzilla in consecutive weeks isn't that big a deal, but when you're 26, and have a hobby of film critique, let me tell you, even with the nostalgia goggles, Godzilla doesn't always leave a good taste in your mouth. And despite my love for the Big G...a lot of the time, his movies are really silly ludicrous. Even if the final film was wicked radical.  I need a beak from Godzilla. So....

LET'S GO GAMERA!!!

Gamera! Gamera! Hirohito Gamera! Hirohito Gamera! Hirohito GAM-ER-AAAA!!!

See you all next week when I tackle the Heisei trilogy of everybody's favorite giant flying fire-breathing turtle monster. But until then, feel free to request any film you'd like to see me review, leave a comment down below explaining how you felt about this film, and as always, thanks for reading.

Final Verdict: 3.5/4

THROWBACK REVIEW: Godzilla VS SpaceGodzilla (1994)

Critics log,  Stardate 11612.5. While on routine patrol, the Enterprise encountered a phenomenon in space in the form of a large crystal-like asteroid, whilst on my continuing mission to become a real authority figure in giant monster films.  Our sensors couldn't get a clear reading of the material of this strange bizarre asteroid, but our readings do indicate that there is one single life form within the Asteroid, with DNA readings remarkably similar to that of Godzilla. What's more, the Asteroid is on a direct collision path with Earth. Normally I'd advise a red alert, and warn  Earth of the danger, or advise the captain to fire a couple Quantum Torpedoes, and simply destroy the Asteroid (because I'm a man, and apparently all men think about is killing everything), but then I remembered two movies ago in which a meteor fell into the sea and nothing bad happened at all. I've decided to name this new life form SpaceGodzilla...because I have no originality in names. If it lands on Earth, let's hope Godzilla will wake up in a blaze of stock footage intros and fight off his biggest enemy yet...himself from space.

Godzilla VS SpaceGodzilla is the Godzilla movie that made me realize one very important thing; Man...Godzilla is a terrible father. That and apparently all men are the same and just wanna kill all things we don't understand. (I think the writers needed to meet Gene Roddenberry...okay I'll try and ease up on the Star Trek references). So to be blunt,  Godzilla VS SpaceGodzilla is honestly pretty harmless. Despite the silly characters, some mediocre action, and inclusion of Little Godzilla (I forgot he was here), the film is surprisingly entertaining. What's even more silly? Apparently this is one of the Godzilla films a lot of fans don't care for. So...if I'm getting this right, films I have problems with such as King Ghidorah and MechaGodzilla are loved by the fans. But films I'm okay with don't get much love from the fans? Am I missing something here?

Okay, so since this film is on my good side for the most part, I'll go ahead and address my problems firstly, and right off the bat, I'm kinda peeved that I feel this film does some slight false advertising. Look at the poster. Take a good long look at it. Notice something? Mothra is there. But in the film, Mothra barely has a role at all. In fact the ONLY time we see Mothra is where we saw her (him?) flying through space to go and destroy that meteor that's supposed to destroy the world in 1999. Why not make the SpaceGodzilla meteor the meteor in question, and give Mothra more of a role in this film? Nope, one shot of Mothra and two scenes with the Cosmos, and their only role in this film is to give physic character the "Game over, you won" message...great...TWO things I detest are in this movie.

I also don't like the name SpaceGodzilla. I just think the name is lazy. Why not give him a bit of a more exotic name. I can think of a few right off the bat. NovaGodzilla, CrystalGodzilla (okay that one's still pretty silly but it at least fits a bit if you ask me), I honestly just think a name like SpaceGodzilla is silly. It's like calling MechaGodzilla, RobotGodzilla. Pretty lame, right? Space is full of wonders, and crazy terms. Experiment more.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually kinda like the characters of this film. I actually...get this...I actually REMEMBER some names. Yuki, Goji, Miki...though to be fair I remembered Yuki because I have a Japanese friend by that name, and Goji is just...way too easy to remember. Maybe it's Gojifan93? Wouldn't that be a riot. But regardless of me liking these characters, they still suffer from the common underdevelopment and cutout personalities that Toho has repeatedly given us. And will continue to give us. And it does need to be said that there are characters here that I never quite understood. Like the two soldier guys not including Yuki, who say they're working on Project T, yet continuously wanna aid Yuki in his quest to kill Godzilla (making Miki continuously whine about how men only wanna kill Godzilla and whatnot which is silly stupid)? Yuki hates Godzilla because I guess his brother died in Godzilla VS Biollante, and apparently all three of them are qualified pilots for the discount MechaGodzilla of this film. There's also the two generic love interests (okay seriously, Toho,  you're terrible at developing romance in these movies), and one's a psychic...allow me to take a small break here.

One thing I've been meaning to talk about in all these films is the presence of psychics. I wouldn't have a problem with it, if they were actually just used good. A lot of the time, they're just there for the sake of being there. Before now, no other psychic character in these films has had a purpose. So I was actually kinda interested in this physic character here, but despite the bigger role, the execution is just off. I laughed at one scene where the writers of this film just straight up gave her telekinesis without any explanation. She literally was like, "Yeah I never tried it until now." Beginners luck? Reminds me of one of my favorite lines from Final Wars. "We escaped somehow!" Yeah the characters are no strongsuit of this film, and a lot of their subplots go nowhere. Like Project T, that thing they focus on so heavily in this film is kinda dropped and dead on arrival. It barely plays a part at all in this film, which is a shame, because I was actually really interested to see what they were doing with it. 

The story honestly gets jumbled in ways similar to Mechagodzilla II. It's thankfully easier to follow, even if some things are never explained or whatnot. The Cosmos warn Miki of SpaceGodzilla, and then SpaceGodzilla arrives, has a fight with Godzilla, then imprisons Little Godzilla. High five Spacey! Actually...I won't lie, I got some inner pleasure watching SpaceGoji brutally attacking little Godzilla. Hey, it just hammers home the fact that Godzilla is a terrible father. "Son, you stay on this island with this guy who wants to see me dead, while I go live in the sea. What could possibly go wrong? You know aside from tear gas mines and space Kaiju?"

As for the monsters themselves, I'm pleasantly surprised. Godzilla looked better than last film, and though his atomic breath wasn't as good looking as Mothra, it did look better than the previous film. The one thing I didn't like was that his high pitched roar was used...excessively. At times it didn't even make sense. I never liked his high pitched roar as I just feel it's bad sound editing, but beforehand, it was used mainly when he was suffering an attack. I could see why they used it. Here, they use it whenever he's on screen. Whether he's being attacked, or just walking on the beach. Heck, when he arrives in the city, I swear he roars high pitched. Did his threatening roar crack or something?  SpaceGodzilla also looks pretty fun honestly. I love the crystal design. And the roast which can mirror that of Biollante? It's a neat callback to what happened in that film. M.O.G.U.E.R.A. though I don't really care for. To have this be declared as the ultimate Godzilla weapon in a film after MechaGodzilla....kinda disappointing. Compare this to what they had last film and just try and tell me that it's a better weapon. Just try. More like a big robot turkey. 

And thankfully, the action is better than Mechagodzilla. The brutality is back. It was really cool to see the large crystal formations on SpaceGoji's back explode as they did. But in the same way, a lot of it is really stupid to the point of it being silly, and the scene that immediately comes to mind is the space battle between Moguera and SpaceGodzilla. It's one of the things that I can safely say is so bad, that it's good. Why? Because I'm wondering if they even tried with it. The environment, the figures...it's so hysterically fake. The asteroids are plastic, Moguera looks like a discount transformers toy...I had a good laugh. I also laughed at the absurdity of SpaceGoji's tail impaling Moguera, and actually being powerful enough to lift the thing and throw it across the city. PSYCHICS! It's the one blotch on some otherwise pretty decent action. And again...the Mini-zilla beating was fun.

Godzilla VS SpaceGodzilla is getting a two and a half star rating out of four from me. I wanted to rate it a bit higher, five it that full three star rating, but I do believeit kinda misses that, just barely. Despite a lot if likable traits, the story just doesn't do it for me. In a film where the real strength is the characters, odd a Godzilla movie, I'm surprised I enjoyed it as much as I did. I probably won't revisit it anytime soon, unless I get the original Japanese version of it (this did suffer from some funny English dubbing), but hey, it definitely wasn't as flawed as some other films I've seen in this series.

Feel free to request any films you'd like to see me take a look at. Leave a comment down below telling me of your own thoughts on this film, and as always, thanks for reading.

Final Verdict: 2.5/4

Hey...there's only one film in the Heisei Era left in Godzilla's lineup! Praise the Lord it's almost over! I'm almost free!!!

THROWBACK REVIEW: Godzilla VS Mechagodzilla II (1993)

If I could somehow type out the sound effect of an annoyed groan, I would right now, because that's kinda how I feel about this movie on a whole. All I can say is I'm thankful I took the week off before watching this one because this movie jumped all over me. Despite some cool things about the film, on a whole, this is another one of those films in the Godzilla universe that just doesn't do it for me. In fact, I gotta say, they take a lot of steps backward from Godzilla VS Mothra: Battle for Earth. Despite some cool ideas and whatnot...I feel very underwhelmed by this film.

Dear Toho....fucking drop the baby Godzilla shit. Forever. And ever. It sucks. It just sucks. While I'm thankful that this baby Godzillasaurus isn't nearly as horrible or stupid as Minilla, it's still stupid. And the fact that it serves as the central plot point of the film...a nearly two hour film mind you, is just mind numbing. In the bad way. They go back to the Godzillasaurus concept here, and it's just as annoying as it was in Godzilla VS King Ghidorah. And rather...stupider in some ways. Am I really supposed to believe that Godzilla is a plant eater? An herbivore? I'm gonna say no to that. I don't care what you say movie. I also gotta say that for as big as Godzilla is, this is one very small offspring. Only the size of a person? I think it needs to cook more. Oh...and great name for the offspring by the way. I'd name a baby Godzillasaurus "Baby" any day of the week.

DROP BABY GODZILLA, TOHO.
(Of course they won't, we already have like 15 of them at the end of Godzilla Resurgence)

I always found the title of this film rather confusing. Godzilla VS Mechagodzilla II? Why the two? I understand there were other Mechagodzilla films before this, but they aren't in the same continuity. There were other films with Mothra before Battle for Earth. Why not give this film an actual title rather than confusing your audience? But I digress, there's much stupider things to rip apart in this film. Like the characters of this film. Screw these guys. Maybe I still got the sour taste of King Ghidorah in my mouth, but what is with the dinosaur enthusiasts in these films? Like that film, this film also has a thing for dinosaurs in the age of man. They even go as far as to say that dinosaurs will make a comeback, at which point I just laughed. Yeah, forget what science says, forget that extinction is a thing, forget that the environment in which dinosaurs thrive is all but completely destroyed now  (in more ways than one), they'll be back! I should really just assume that Godzilla doesn't give a rats ass about science in these films...

So, despite being improbable, I actually kinda like the origin of Mechagodzilla here. They salvage the mechanical pieces of Mecha-King Ghidorah from the bottom of the ocean (avoiding the other Ghidorah body down there from the plot hole of that movie), and construct Mechagodzilla to replace their current Anti-Godzilla weapon,  Super X- err, I mean Garuda. (What happened to Super X again? Was it dropped like the other million events that happened prior to this film?) But despite being in the title, I found it rather strange that Mechagodzilla isn't exactly as big a presence in this film as Godzilla...or Rodan. Who's also in this film. In fact, most of the action centers on those two alone. Seeing as how Mechagodzilla is out of service for the most part in this film.

That's not to say that Rodan and Godzilla aren't fun. I actually like Rodan's design, and the idea behind Fire Rodan...even though Rodan becoming Fire Rodan is never explained, and a complete deus ex machina plot device. I also gotta give criticism to Godzilla because I feel they took steps back in how the special effects were used here. Why is it that Godzilla VS Mothra's atomic breath looked wicked cool last film, only for it to look outdated in this film? Budget cuts? I don't know, don't care. It's also this film that made me realize just how awful Godzilla is at aiming his atomic breath by the way. Why is it that it always takes him a few seconds to actually hit his target after firing his signature weapon? Godzilla...you're aiming at something as big, if not bigger than you like ten footsteps away. Why are you aiming at the highway on the ground? I know the technical reasons, but...I don't care. It got annoying in this film.

I'm sure many of you are wondering why I haven't brought up the story of this film. All I can say is...what story? It's probably one of the most forced Godzilla movies I've ever seen. Events are forced to happen. Any..."character development" (and I do emphasize the quotes there) is forced to happen. Any sense of driven story only happens because I don't think the writers were smart enough to write a competent version of this story. I honestly am wondering if this story should have been rewritten altogether because unlike Godzilla VS King Ghidorah, there aren't too many areas I can point to and say "This can be fixed this way." The story is literally Godzilla and Rodan are fighting for the custody of baby Godzilla. And they fight in Kyoto. And Mechagodzilla is there too! Honestly the..."climax" of this film is one of the biggest "because movie" things I've ever seen, where Fire Rodan without reason, gives up its life energy to a crippled Godzilla, who just had his...(sigh) second brain destroyed. This heals that brain, and Godzilla is back, suddenly stronger than ever. Why did Rodan do this? Because I guess Godzilla isn't meant to die for another two films. Oh and nice forced message at the end there, movie. Way to really not make me give a shit.

I'm finding very little to defend in this movie honestly. Even the fights aren't that great. The intensity that made me love the fights of Godzilla VS Mothra is absent, the gruesome violence that made me enjoy Biollante and King Ghidorah isn't there, it's honestly just a bunch of dull explosions. And one particular moment that gives physics the middle finger. The one good fight that I actually kinda liked was the first battle between Godzilla and Rodan, even if it should have been the last as well. Because Rodan's...Resurrection? Transformation? Into Fire Rodan is never explained. It just happens. Again. Very forced. Yet despite everything, I find it hard to hate this movie on the terms that I do films like Godzilla VS King Ghidorah. This film is pretty bad, don't get me wrong, but unlike other films, this one can keep my attention and interest. Fights happen plenty of times, the monster designs and concepts are cool, and even if there's not much else going for it, it didn't go so far out as to make up its own rules or whatnot. To me, this is just the equivalent of a mediocre Star Trek episode...only almost two hours long.

Godzilla VS Mechagodzilla II is getting a two star rating out of four. I wanted to score it lower, but I think it earns at least a two. Because that's what it is. Average. Maybe slightly below it. Yet has enough life in its blood to keep my interest. I guess the one thing I really wish about this film was thar it wasn't the final film I own to have the original Japanese language. The final two films I hours very through here are all English dubbed. But I will say that I had a laugh at the bad English subtitles in this film that happened now and then. In fact I guess my final criticism of this film is the tons of unnecessary English Speaking. Because that was a thing in this movie. Oh well, what can I do? See you all next week when I tackle Spacegodzilla.

Feel free to request any film you'd like to see my thoughts on. Leave a comment down below telling me of your own thoughts on this film or whatnot, and as always, thanks for reading.

Final Verdict: 2/4

THROWBACK REVIEW: Godzilla VS King Ghidorah (1991)

I can already tell you, about 90% of you Godzilla fanatics out there are going to hate this review, so why bother reading it? Get out of here. I'm trying to save you some trouble. I'm doing you a favor right now!  No?  You're staying? Well don't say I didn't warn you. I don't like Godzilla VS King Ghidorah.  In fact...I think it SUCKS! This is the one movie of the entire Godzilla franchise that baffles me as to why it gets praise. More than Shin Gojira! I've at least found some people there who don't like that film. This one? I've heard it hailed as one of the best from people like James Rolfe (aka, the Angry Video Game Nerd), WatchMojo...and I don't care. I don't care if I am the 0.01% of people who don't like this film, there is very little solid ground to hold this film up.  Three major things hold this back from being good. The lack of competent storytelling, the ridiculous origins of both Godzilla and King Ghidorah, and the absolute BUTCHERING of one of my favorite aspect of all science fiction. Time travel! It's like they didn't even try! How is this hailed as one of the best??? Now before I go on my critique, it is worth noting that this is one of four films I have in the Hensei era that I only have the dub of. This means, this is one of the four movies that I can only watch in the English language.  But honestly, part of me doubts it matters here because there's not that much difference in these films here. And I need to say that when I first saw this, I was ecstatic.  I'm a huge science fiction nut. I love Star Trek, Stargate, Futurama, The Outer Limits, the list is endless. And of course I love Godzilla. Well each of the franchises I just listed has dealt with time travel before. Time travel is one of my favorite things about science fiction, and hearing that they brought it to Godzilla? I was on board! THe idea of them going back through time to prevent the mutating of Godzilla is an idea that I will say is borderline genius. I love it! So....what went wrong?

Strap yourselves in guys, this is gonna be a long one.

Right off the bat things get rolling in this film. There is no recap of the previous films, there is no time to get what's going on, you just see a flying saucer flying in the skies over the world, we see our main characters talking about said flying saucer, and then we see a guy preaching in the museum about dinosaurs and how they'll save mankind or something. I'm going to get this out of my system right now, this movie is likely the most random movie of the entire era.  Things happen...because reasons. For example, maybe five minutes into the movie, writer character is talking to old soldier character (I don't know their names) in which old soldier character tells writer character that a dinosaur saved his troops during a battle in WWII, but that none of them reported the event because they were the only garrison to survive, and that no one would have believed them. Well if that's the case, why is he preaching about the dinosaurs saving them in the museum? The pacing of this movie is so clunky at times, that I wonder if they even tried with the whole idea of a transition.  When King Ghidorah is rampaging, we cut to a...slightly romantic scene? In which two of our characters are sharing their inner thoughts about the situation and whatnot, before it just immediately cuts to the destruction again. It's just very awkward.  I might as well get the ball rolling on the characters of this movie.  They're really....really bad.  Stupidly bad. This might be the dub's fault, for not portraying them perfectly, but I can't blame everything wrong with this film on a language difference. The characters are just so forgettable, and bad. The only two that even made an impression on me were this Android character named M-11, and this guy who throughout the movie claims his garrison was saved by the dinosaur in WWII. M-11, gave me reason to laugh because of how poorly portrayed he is for an android. They pull every trope out of the book for him taking tips from the Terminator, Robocop, and other silly robot science fiction movies. He is ripe with bad special effects, and while I'm aware that Japanese filmmaking is highly budgeted, if budgeted things like Star Trek could actually give a good  good portrayal of an android...EARLIER than this film, then  this really should not have been difficult.  There was an effect that stood out so embarrassingly bad at one point that I actually had to pause the movie to laugh it out (he was running through the jungle, and for a split second, you could tell he was on a coaster or something because his actual legs weren't moving). And then we have old soldier dinosaur man who does nothing in this film but be sad and depressed that his dinosaur savior is destroying Japan.  His last scene is incredibly stupid.  He just decides he's gonna die because movie. His exact words are "Let me have it my way." Someone play some Frank Sinatra for him.

I might as well talk about the dub problems of the film. The film is absolutely ripe with laughable lines and awkward lines that are read for these actors. I can tell that had this been the actual Japanese cut, I likely wouldn't have laughed so much at these bad lines. One moment I love comes when a jet is flying through the air in pursuit of Ghidorah, and he does a roll in the air.  The guy providing the English dub for him decided it would be a good idea to straight up say "I'm...I'm spinning!" As if he were in some sort of peril. I can't take too many points off this film for dub flaws, so I'll just move along.

One thing I never liked, and the fan inside me actually kinda refuses to accept as canon is the ludicrous origin story of Godzilla in this era. I never really liked the idea of the Godzillasaurus. I understand that Godzilla is in fact a radioactive lost dinosaur...unless you're in the present era, in which case have fun with your radioactive lungfish, but the origin story that they present in this film is so absolutely ludicrous and laughable that it presents the weakest point in this era if you ask me. What I mean is, all the mystery, all the terror of what made Godzilla...well...Godzilla in 1954, is just wiped away when we see our heroes travel back in time to WWII in the Pacific. A concept again, I'd like to make perfectly clear, that I was open to. But the way it's executed is just pitifully stupid. We see the United States and Japan fighting in the war as our time traveling party keeps out of the danger, somehow watching the conflict from the safety of their time machine, and then we see the Godzillasaurus, in all its rubbersuited glory tromping through the forest. How did it survive? What does it eat to stay alive? Who cares? I'm still trying to figure out how the Japanese commander identified it as a dinosaur when he was in his bunker to begin with. (But this is the least of my gripes)

There are two major things I hate about this scene. Firstly, I gotta acknowledge the elephant in the room. The depiction of the Americans in this movie is a complete joke. Again, this movie was made when our nations were in an economical tension. I understand that we likely weren't hosting favorable views of Japan. But when Ishiro Honda says you've gone too far....then movie, you screwed up. While acting has never been impressing to me in these films, the Americans in this movie are laughable. Everything they do or say makes....little to no sense. Two officers see what I'd only see as a meteor, they watch it crash on the island and immediately say it came from another planet. But do they report it? No, they just say "Let's keep it a secret." ...WHY?  If you're gonna claim you just saw a UFO, then screw you, I don't care who you are, I'm telling someone! Does the term national security not mean anything to you? Sure you could tell your son about it, but what good would that be if Little Green Men do indeed take over your planet? Fast forward to the Godzillasaurus attacking the troops and we see some horrible acting when they're reporting the dinosaur attack, in which little gunfire is working, even from a bazooka...I'll buy it I guess. The navy unloads on the Godzillasaurus, giving it quite a bombardment, a navy officer gives possibly the best worst line I've ever heard in my life ("Take that you dinosaur."), and then because movie, the Godzillasaurus gets up and just kills the American soldiers and leaves the Japanese soldiers alone in a storm of awful effects and stupid plot reasons.  Then because movie the Americans just decide, fuck it, we're leaving. To hell with burial retrieval and no man left behind. Let's get the hell out of here. This is one of the most incompetent military forces I've ever seen in a movie. The military in Godzilla 1998 are BUTCH compared to this, and I gotta say they were pretty incompetent themselves. This was just a big slap to the face of America. Makes Biollante's American characters almost likable. Again, I understand that negative publicity was a thing during this time. But that isn't an excuse for me. I don't even like it when Hollywood does that kind of thing. It's just stupid.

But my other big gripe about this scene comes from the Godzillasaurus itself. How does it survive? Because the movies have me believe that it was radiated via nuclear testing in the 1950's. Yet the navy gave it quite the whooping. We aren't told how it managed to survive despite being on its near death bed, and what's even more stupid is that our protagonists are there to teleport it into the ocean in the future to prevent it from ever becoming Godzilla...AND THAT SHOULD KILL IT.  This is my biggest issue with this story. What they're doing should thoroughly kill Godzilla. It has yet to be irradiated, mutated, or changed in any way. So their teleporting it to the ocean should just straight up drown Godzilla. Does it? Of course not. I guess dinosaurs don't have to worry about drowning, we see him just walking along the bottom of the ocean later on in the movie, as happy as a clam. But if that wasn't stupid enough, the origin they have for King Ghidorah was stupid on a whole other level.  They introduce these little mini Ghidorah's with only one head, called Dorrats, which they replace the Godzillasaurus with in secret so that when the nuclear testing happens, King Ghidorah will be created.  Couple questions here. Firstly how do the Futurians as they're called in this movie know that leaving three dorrats on this island, exposing them to radiation would create Ghidorah? They say that nuclear weapons and whatnot are banned where they come from, so they likely didn't have the resources to test this little theory.  Ask me, these dorrats should have died, seeing as how they're barely the size of a tribble. Second question...I understand that Ghidorah is a three headed monster, but how does a little radiation mutate three little dorrats into this hulking monstrosity of Ghidorah? It made more sense with Godzilla, an already big beast. Here, they're stretching the already stretched suspension of disbelief to the breaking point, expecting me to believe that three small creatures somehow merged, giving up limbs, wings, body mass, and becoming one of the most iconic creatures of the franchise. I don't buy it.  Not for a second movie! I understand that they wanted a different origin for Ghidorah, rather than just doing with the monster from space routine again, but sometimes, older is better. And I still haven't discussed my issues with how they rebirth Godzilla. It's way too instantaneous. They literally just send a nuclear submarine down to awaken him, they sink, and Godzilla is suddenly bigger and more violent than before. Okay, I'm guessing Godzilla doesn't work like a cup of noodles. You don't just add radiation, and get an instant King of Monsters. I think it would be a bit more complex than that. I can think of many things that could have fixed this right off the top of my head. 

But none of this goes into my biggest issue with the movie.  Time travel. The thing that should have been one of the coolest things this franchise ever attempted, is actually one of the things I wish they never even touched.  Why?  Well to quote Dr. Emmet L. Brown, this film doesn't "think fourth dimensionally". At all. Any interesting complex aspect that comes with Time Travel is completely absent in this film. There is no cause and effect, and there's no consequence. They go back in time, teleport Godzilla to the future to prevent his transformation, and they go back, and it is literally like none of that ever happened. They get back and the head Futurian literally said, "We just got the report, Godzilla has vanished from history."  If that's the case, then why does EVERYONE STILL KNOW HIM?! I mean that too.  EVERYONE knows the name Godzilla. Despite that Ghidorah supposedly took his place, everyone knows of the devastating past that Godzilla had. HOW?! If Godzilla vanished from history, that means that literally NOTHING of the past films would have happened, which means absolutely no one of that time period who didn't travel back to 1944 would know the name or the history. Hell, I can take this further.  Plenty of people who died would still be alive. Japan likely could have built better and even stronger cities than before. The futurians may not even exist anymore. And who's to say that King Ghidorah didn't do any of the rampaging that Godzilla did? Why does literally no one know who Ghidorah is? Is any of this addressed?  Absolutely not. Instead, Time travel is reduced to one's typical trip to the grocery store, and as soon as they come back, everyone is shocked that Godzilla is gone, but suddenly this Ghidorah is just devastating Japan after appearing "out of nowhere". Again. Not how it works. All the aspects that make Time Traveling a compelling, and even tense aspect of science fiction are gone.  They weren't even touched. The first time I saw this, I was fuming. And I'm no more forgiving watching it now.

All these problems plague this movie for the first two thirds. So...how about the third act? Well despite a few film contradictions which I'll get to, I actually like the third act of this film.  The action, true to the Hensei spirit, is a wonderful treat to see, and I gotta say that the battles that Godzilla and Ghidorah have are incredibly violent, even if they're not as bloody as those between him and Biollante. It's all a marvelous treat to watch, and even when Ghidorah is out of the picture, Godzilla's city rampages of this era continue to be a marvelous destructive treat to enjoy. Almost to the point where i can forgive a few of the faults of the third act.  They say that no two of the same beings may be in one area of time as the other (I don't know why, since we saw that in Back to the Future and Star Trek, but whatever), yet once Mecha-Ghidorah comes into play, it thouroughly places two Ghidorahs in the same time period. You got one on the bottom of the ocean, and one doing the fighting. And that mecha Ghidorah falls into the ocean, which would mean that there are actually two Ghidorah's on the bottom of the sea now? They completely ignore this plot hole, but I don't care too much. Another thing is that they don't really bother explaining how a mortally wounded Ghidorah managed to stay alive for two centuries on the bottom of the ocean to become revived. But when you're seeing the battling going on, you just don't care.  The third act of this film is very solid, despite the few faults it does have, and it's what I enjoy most about this movie. I just wish I didn't have to sit through two thirds of crap just to watch it.

At the end of the day, I likely take this film much too seriously, but I think I have a small right to. I'm sure a lot of you don't like what I have to say about this film. And if you enjoy it for whatever reason, I can certainly see why. That third act is wonderful, and even when the film is bad, it's not un-entertaining. I can see many of you labeling this film in the so bad that it's good territory.  In a lot of ways it is. But the lack of competent storytelling to me is just a bit insulting now.  Don't even bother trying to say that it's not as big a budget as hollywood, you don't need a budget to write a competent story. This is a clear example to me when I say that Toho at times just doesn't care about their Godzilla stories.  The reason I'm being as harsh as I am with this movie is because I want to give you the idea that I want a good story for these films.  I'm not asking for a best picture. I'm not asking for better looks. I'm asking for a story to care about. Something that makes me really root for our heroes as they struggle against one or two monsters. Two monsters that mind you, are easily amongst the most iconic monsters of the franchise. Godzilla himself, and Ghidorah...arguably his biggest Nemesis. I wanted something to really give these two monsters justice. This movie is not that movie. We may laugh at silly dubbed lines, or awkward acting at times, you can spend all day laughing at a turd. At the end of the day, it's still a turd. And that's how I feel about this movie.

Godzilla VS King Ghidorah gets a one star rating out of four. I almost gave it the initial one and a half star rating, but I can't be too generous.  I want to send the message that I want quality.  This is another reason I was so harsh with Godzilla Resurgence earlier this year. I want Toho to care about their films. I want them to care about their audience. And I want them to care about Godzilla. I didn't see that care in this film as I have in other films.  And it is for that reason, I cannot in my right mind say this is one of the best of the franchise. One or two good monster fights do not make a good movie for me. And when it comes to things like Time Travel, unless you explicitly lay out your rules for how you play it, I will not take too many rule breaks. I have seen worse films of this franchise, but I did include this on the list of the worst monster movies I've seen back in the day for a reason. And watching it again, I'm genuinely sorry to say, that I hold to that stance. I know a lot of you may enjoy ripping me a new one for that stance, but I do expect better from Toho, and I am thankful to say that we have gotten better films since then.

Please feel free to suggest any films you'd like me to review down below.  Leave a comment explaining your own thoughts or feelings of the film down below, and as always, thanks for reading.

Final Verdict: 1/4