The Magnificent Seven is the definition of a remake that nobody asked for. Like...no one. Did anyone my age even know about this movie? For Those who don't know, The Magnificent Seven is a remake of the classic 1960 western of the same name. And that is a remake adaptation of the epic classic 1954 Japanese masterpiece "Seven Samurai". So really...this is a remake of a remake! And people think endless sequels are a sign that Hollywood is out of ideas. Okay enough jokes, Magnificent Seven is the remake about seven gunslingers who protect a village from a large gang of bandits. It was a classic western back in the day, and it's back. How does it hold up?
Not very well. Right off the bat, this film not only does little justice to the original classic (if any at all), but just makes you rub your head in frustration as every cliché in the book is thrown at you amidst nonstop gunfire, explosions, and cheesy unamusing one liners. If you're going into this theater, hoping for a good retelling of the classic, then you're going to be sorely disappointed. Look, I'm not gonna pretend that the original 1960 film is perfect, because it's not. Seven Samurai is the superior fillm, but it was still very well done, and did justice to the film it was adapting. This? This is pitiful. The story is replaced by over-the-top action that is all show, no impress. Chunks of this incredible story, have been taken out of this story, where they now rest in oblivion.
Okay, before I unleash myself on this film, let me say what I liked. The first thing that immediately comes to mind is the diversity of the characters. This I like. In the original, the main characters were all your typical cowboy gunsliging heros, who defend a village against a bunch of bandits. And they're all white. Here, the cast is more diverse. The lead is black, one's a Mexican outlaw, one's a Chinese immigrant, they even put in a Native American. This would all be really cool, if they were developed properly. But unfortunately, they don't take advantage of this diverse lineup. They don't get risky with it. You'd think that racial issues would come into play here, but they don't. Not one n-word, not one issue regarding discrimination. Nothing. I can think of one stupid racial stereotype joke that Chris Pratt does with the Mexican. And the Native American kinda trashtalks "white-man's food". Beans. How barbaric. The original lineup isn't as diverse, but they're much better developed, and you actually connect with them. This movie attempts to try to have us feel for these guys, as they laugh with one another and give us an idea of "bonding" but each character is so unbelievably one-dimensional that by the time the end rolls around and characters start dying (spoiler alert), you just don't care.
Another thing I kinda liked was the setting. There are some very cool landscape shots in this film, but it needs to be said that the settings of the towns seem rather underdeveloped in more ways than one. I feel like the city's size changed more than once. And it does need to be said that the ending shot is completely CGI, and it stands out...SO BAD. I don't often complain about bad CGI, but with something like this shot, you'd expect them to nail it. It wasn't anything complex, it was just four graves. And it looked so unbelievably fake.
This being an adaptation, I was ready to see some changes, but I feel a lot of the changes made, either hurt the film, or don't make sense. While the original antagonist wasn't exactly memorable, he was certainly intimidating, and you could see his motives. The antagonist here is so unbelievably one-sided evil, that it's annoying. He does things because....he's evil. His motives? GOLD! (Facepalm) The original antagonist is written as the leader of gang who conducts annual raids on a village for their food and crops, which effectivly starves the village to the point of them searching for outside help. This guy just rolls in, says he's driving everyone out because mining, murders a bunch of people and we're supposed to care. The movie falls on its face right there. I could call so many shots with this antagonist that it became a game for me. As a matter of fact, this whole movie became a game for me. There is so much predictability in its clichés, that it's hard not to see things coming honestly. Even out and out guesses on my part came true. There are so many clichés that come into play here, it's almost laughable. You got the one hero who decides to leave, only to heroicly come back, you have a tough woman character who no one seems to give a chance, despite the fact that she can shoot better than ANY of the other guys in the village, you get bland dialogue, generic storytelling...it's just painful.
One thing that I absolutely hated about this movie however was the fact that the mortality of our characters seems so unbelievably absent. The action is over-the-top in all the wrong ways. I hate continuously bringing up the original film, but the Magnificent Seven did a good job of portraying the characters as humans with limits. And yeah, none of them died until the end, but not one of them reached Clint Eastwood levels of quickdraw. Here? Everyone is unloading their pistol in seconds, dead on accuracy, never missing. In fact, the ONLY reason any of them die is because the bad guys brought in a gatling gun. Hey that wasn't in the original film. Good job new film for bringing in your own touch...just to kill off the heroes because none of the other bandits are any good with their guns apparently. That or when they do hit their target with the guns, everyone soaks up bullets like BBs. Chris Pratt's character gets shot like five or six times. And even THAT doesn't kill him. Heck, they rip off straight from Lord of the Rings as one of our characters gets the Borimir treatment.
My final big issue with this film is the fact that the story seems much shorter in the wrong way. THe original film shows an ongoing struggle against a group of bandits that remain a threat. Here, it's more like a one-off shoot-em up. The protagonist and antagonist exchange no words at all until the fighting is pretty much done, the battle drags on a long time, to the point where it's kinda boring actually, and when the hero and villain finally do meet and begin to talk, we get backstory that was never hinted at beforehand, and by the time it comes around, you just don't care. You're just counting the seconds until the credits roll, and you can go home. We don't get the famous ending in which the heroes realize that they themselves didn't win, the villagers won. They just ride off into the sunset, no questions asked, the end. Roll credits, play the original Magnificent Seven theme, because it's the only song on this soundtrack worth a damn, and this movie didn't deserve to use this theme. Much respect to James Horner, but this was no masterpiece score. This movie amounts to nothing more than a cheap excuse to bring an old classic back onto the big screen, only pack it full of action that you just can't get into.
The Magnificent Seven earns a one star rating out of four. It didn't infuriate me enough to score it any lower, but I continuously called the shot, continuously rubbed my face in annoyance, and continuously wanted to just turn my phone on and see if anything interesting was going on in the world. Because this movie certainly wasn't keeping my interest. And I'm sorry for that. I was curious about this film. I liked the cast for the most part, and I liked the idea of the characters being as diverse as they were, but they aren't focused on, aren't developed, and it doesn't hold up. It's an action packed mess that doesn't deserve the name it bears. Do yourself a favor, and go find the original 1960 classic. Or do an even bigger favor, and find the 1954 Japanese masterpiece. It's three hours of your life that still holds up. If you find either of these films, I've won my battle, and you will have won too. Just stay away from this.
Please feel free to request any film you'd like me to review. Leave a comment down below expressing your own thoughts on the film, and as always, thanks for reading.
Final Verdict: 1/4
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