Dear Toho....fucking drop the baby Godzilla shit. Forever. And ever. It sucks. It just sucks. While I'm thankful that this baby Godzillasaurus isn't nearly as horrible or stupid as Minilla, it's still stupid. And the fact that it serves as the central plot point of the film...a nearly two hour film mind you, is just mind numbing. In the bad way. They go back to the Godzillasaurus concept here, and it's just as annoying as it was in Godzilla VS King Ghidorah. And rather...stupider in some ways. Am I really supposed to believe that Godzilla is a plant eater? An herbivore? I'm gonna say no to that. I don't care what you say movie. I also gotta say that for as big as Godzilla is, this is one very small offspring. Only the size of a person? I think it needs to cook more. Oh...and great name for the offspring by the way. I'd name a baby Godzillasaurus "Baby" any day of the week.
DROP BABY GODZILLA, TOHO.
(Of course they won't, we already have like 15 of them at the end of Godzilla Resurgence)
I always found the title of this film rather confusing. Godzilla VS Mechagodzilla II? Why the two? I understand there were other Mechagodzilla films before this, but they aren't in the same continuity. There were other films with Mothra before Battle for Earth. Why not give this film an actual title rather than confusing your audience? But I digress, there's much stupider things to rip apart in this film. Like the characters of this film. Screw these guys. Maybe I still got the sour taste of King Ghidorah in my mouth, but what is with the dinosaur enthusiasts in these films? Like that film, this film also has a thing for dinosaurs in the age of man. They even go as far as to say that dinosaurs will make a comeback, at which point I just laughed. Yeah, forget what science says, forget that extinction is a thing, forget that the environment in which dinosaurs thrive is all but completely destroyed now (in more ways than one), they'll be back! I should really just assume that Godzilla doesn't give a rats ass about science in these films...
So, despite being improbable, I actually kinda like the origin of Mechagodzilla here. They salvage the mechanical pieces of Mecha-King Ghidorah from the bottom of the ocean (avoiding the other Ghidorah body down there from the plot hole of that movie), and construct Mechagodzilla to replace their current Anti-Godzilla weapon, Super X- err, I mean Garuda. (What happened to Super X again? Was it dropped like the other million events that happened prior to this film?) But despite being in the title, I found it rather strange that Mechagodzilla isn't exactly as big a presence in this film as Godzilla...or Rodan. Who's also in this film. In fact, most of the action centers on those two alone. Seeing as how Mechagodzilla is out of service for the most part in this film.
That's not to say that Rodan and Godzilla aren't fun. I actually like Rodan's design, and the idea behind Fire Rodan...even though Rodan becoming Fire Rodan is never explained, and a complete deus ex machina plot device. I also gotta give criticism to Godzilla because I feel they took steps back in how the special effects were used here. Why is it that Godzilla VS Mothra's atomic breath looked wicked cool last film, only for it to look outdated in this film? Budget cuts? I don't know, don't care. It's also this film that made me realize just how awful Godzilla is at aiming his atomic breath by the way. Why is it that it always takes him a few seconds to actually hit his target after firing his signature weapon? Godzilla...you're aiming at something as big, if not bigger than you like ten footsteps away. Why are you aiming at the highway on the ground? I know the technical reasons, but...I don't care. It got annoying in this film.
I'm sure many of you are wondering why I haven't brought up the story of this film. All I can say is...what story? It's probably one of the most forced Godzilla movies I've ever seen. Events are forced to happen. Any..."character development" (and I do emphasize the quotes there) is forced to happen. Any sense of driven story only happens because I don't think the writers were smart enough to write a competent version of this story. I honestly am wondering if this story should have been rewritten altogether because unlike Godzilla VS King Ghidorah, there aren't too many areas I can point to and say "This can be fixed this way." The story is literally Godzilla and Rodan are fighting for the custody of baby Godzilla. And they fight in Kyoto. And Mechagodzilla is there too! Honestly the..."climax" of this film is one of the biggest "because movie" things I've ever seen, where Fire Rodan without reason, gives up its life energy to a crippled Godzilla, who just had his...(sigh) second brain destroyed. This heals that brain, and Godzilla is back, suddenly stronger than ever. Why did Rodan do this? Because I guess Godzilla isn't meant to die for another two films. Oh and nice forced message at the end there, movie. Way to really not make me give a shit.
I'm finding very little to defend in this movie honestly. Even the fights aren't that great. The intensity that made me love the fights of Godzilla VS Mothra is absent, the gruesome violence that made me enjoy Biollante and King Ghidorah isn't there, it's honestly just a bunch of dull explosions. And one particular moment that gives physics the middle finger. The one good fight that I actually kinda liked was the first battle between Godzilla and Rodan, even if it should have been the last as well. Because Rodan's...Resurrection? Transformation? Into Fire Rodan is never explained. It just happens. Again. Very forced. Yet despite everything, I find it hard to hate this movie on the terms that I do films like Godzilla VS King Ghidorah. This film is pretty bad, don't get me wrong, but unlike other films, this one can keep my attention and interest. Fights happen plenty of times, the monster designs and concepts are cool, and even if there's not much else going for it, it didn't go so far out as to make up its own rules or whatnot. To me, this is just the equivalent of a mediocre Star Trek episode...only almost two hours long.
Godzilla VS Mechagodzilla II is getting a two star rating out of four. I wanted to score it lower, but I think it earns at least a two. Because that's what it is. Average. Maybe slightly below it. Yet has enough life in its blood to keep my interest. I guess the one thing I really wish about this film was thar it wasn't the final film I own to have the original Japanese language. The final two films I hours very through here are all English dubbed. But I will say that I had a laugh at the bad English subtitles in this film that happened now and then. In fact I guess my final criticism of this film is the tons of unnecessary English Speaking. Because that was a thing in this movie. Oh well, what can I do? See you all next week when I tackle Spacegodzilla.
Feel free to request any film you'd like to see my thoughts on. Leave a comment down below telling me of your own thoughts on this film or whatnot, and as always, thanks for reading.
Final Verdict: 2/4